


the Line

by iwannadreamforever



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But Finn's okay, Clarke's a surgeon, Closed-off Lexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Happy Ending, It's lighthearted as well as angsty sometimes, Lawyer Lexa, Lexa's a mysterious little bean, Lexa's badass but also not, Minor Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Protective Lexa, Slight Emotional Clarke, Slow Burn, Smut, There's a little Finn, They are just clumsy with feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-04-07 19:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19091587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannadreamforever/pseuds/iwannadreamforever
Summary: Clarke works at a New York hospital. She meets a mysterious stranger while working. This is their story.





	1. the woman

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! Haven't been writing in a looooong time, so here it is; the first chapter of a new story I came up with.  
> Like I said, it has been a long time and I'm kind of afraid my skills have reduced.
> 
> I'm still working on the rest of the story. Please, please leave a comment with tips!! I could really use them after such a long time :D  
> You guys are the readers, and you have to like it, not me :)
> 
> Also, if you have any ideas for the plot, feel free to comment that too! I would love to hear your opinions, and who knows, maybe I'll use your plot.
> 
> So, I hope you guys will enjoy.
> 
> Don't forget to LET ME KNOW! I promise I will listen and maybe adjust this chapter. As I said, it's just a first indication of my new story.

“It is _so_ unrealistic.”

“It’s not!” 

“It is! The medical procedures are impossible. Plus, they are all incredibly hot. No doctor is ever that hot.”

“You’re hot.”

“That is not the point, Raven,” Clarke rolled her eyes. Once again, she was fighting her best friend over Grey’s Anatomy, this super unrealistic TV show about surgeons. Clarke was a surgeon. She knew how that kind of life really was, and it sure as hell wasn’t like Grey’s Anatomy.

“Didn’t you fuck an intern once in the closet?” Raven smirked, making Clarke throw a pillow at her.

“I did not! And you know it!” Clarke yelled. “Ugh, why did I choose to live with you, again?”

“Because you love me.” Raven yelled back, smirking at her best friend. Grabbing some popcorn, the Latina best friend of Clarke Griffin, sat back in her best friends chair.

“Get your ass outta my chair, Reyes, you’re unbelievable,”

Raven pouted. “But this chair is so comfy,”

“Yeah, why’d you think I bought it? Smartass,” Clarke stood up from the couch, walking towards her chair that Raven had claimed once again. Pulling her best friends arm, Raven mumbled and grumbled some stuff, but eventually gave up so Clarke could sit in her chair.

“Ahh, so comfy,” closing her eyes, the blonde surgeon leaned back.

She was happy. She really was. Well, as happy as she could be, at least.

Ever since her father had passed, Clarke had a hard time getting her life together. 

Her mother also worked at the hospital; she was her colleague. Clarke knew how her mother was feeling; she was burying herself into work, just to make sure nobody else ever had to feel like they had.

Clarke sighed. Thinking about her father made her sad, even though it had been over 10 years. He had been her best friend at the time. Well, _their_ best friend. Raven had been around ever since they had met in pre-school as tiny little girls. Both stubborn as hell, they had fought over a pencil, and they were best friends ever since. Raven had always been more at the Griffins’ house than she had been at her own.

So, Raven had been just as devastated as Clarke when Jake Griffin had passed. Both girls had hung on to eachother, but Abby Griffin had only closed herself off more.

Things had been better lately, though. Clarke noticed that her mother talked more and wanted to spend more time with her and Raven. 

It was finally like her life was starting to blossom again. Clarke just hoped it was only going to better from now on.

“I’m gonna go to bed,” Clarke yawned.

“You’re kidding me? You threw me out of the chair to only sit there for like two minutes?” Raven shook her head but smiled.

“Nighty, Griffin,” 

“Goodnight, Raven. Have fun drooling over McSteamy,” Clarke laughed, running out of the living room when Raven threw her pillow back.

“Love you!” Clarke yelled, before closing the door to her bedroom.

“Love ya too, Clarkey!” 

 

It was busy. It was really fucking busy today. Clarke couldn’t find an intern, she couldn’t find anyone who had time to give the people in the ER some attention. 

“The fuck is going on?” She asked herself, looking around in the messy emergency room. It looked like there had been a big battle in a war or something, people walking around in panic, some stains of blood on the floor and doctors walking around, not knowing whom to help first.

Clarke sighed. She was the head trauma surgeon at this hospital, placed in the middle of New York city. All the car accident victims came here, and it drove Clarke crazy. Nobody was hurt enough to go to surgery, so Clarke found herself treating this little boy, who had been hit by a cab.

“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked, sitting next to the boy on the bed. He seemed just fine, but had some scratches on his legs. His mother had brought him here, probably because she was worried.

“My leg hurts,” the boy just cried, and Clarke smiled.

“You know what? I think you’re really tough. You got hit by a car, but all you have is a few scratches! I have never seen anyone like you.” Clarke stated, and the boy smiled a little.

“Can I take a look?” Clarke asked and the boy nodded.

Clarke examined the boys’ entire body. Who knew, he could have an internal bleeding, or a concussion. The boy seemed perfectly fine, so Clarke placed some bandages on his scratches and gave him a toy.

“There you go. You are all better now. Go see your mom!” Clarke laughed, and the boy happily jumped off the bed and ran to his mother.

Clarke arranged the paperwork with the mother, who was eternally grateful. After they were gone, Clarke smiled. This work made her feel good. Most of the time. When people didn’t die, that was.

But moments like this, helping a little boy getting over his fear, was the most beautiful thing about being a doctor.

Clarke went to the nurses counter to put the paperwork away,

When she was done, she looked around to see if anyone else needed some help. Clarke was clear of surgery, so she spent the whole day in the ER, guiding the new interns. She leaned on the counter for a moment, to see if everything was going alright.

That’s when she noticed a woman walking into the ER. She was alone, and she didn’t look like she needed help, yet, her nose was bleeding. Clarke narrowed her eyes, not really sure what was going on. The woman walking in was tall, long brown hair with controlled curls. She wore a black two-piece suit, underneath her blazer a beige turtleneck. She looked very rich, walking on her high heels, her chin up and her gaze a mix of arrogance and annoyance. And yet, Clarke found her stunning. Clarke looked around, trying to find one of her interns to help this woman, but she couldn’t find anyone.

She sighed once again, walking up to the woman that both intrigued and scared her.

“Hi, can I help you?” Clarke asked, already seeing the woman nose was broken. 

Clarke avoided the womans’ cold gaze.

“I believe that my nose is broken,” the woman just said, still standing with her chin up. It looked kind of ridiculous; the womans’ attitude and then her slight bloody face. Her make-up was completely intact.

Clarke scraped her throat, avoiding to make eye contact. “Do you mind if I check?”

“Isn’t that what they do at hospitals?” The woman asked, and Clarke swallowed, hoping there would be someone available to help this woman instead of her. 

“Yes, that’s what they usually do. Come sit here,” Clarke pointed at an empty, clean bed and the woman scoffed a little, but she probably knew she didn’t have a choice, because she sat down.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Clarke asked her, putting on some latex gloves, still avoiding the womans’ gaze.

“I’m a lawyer,” she just said, shrugging her shoulders lightly.

“Do all lawyers get punched in the face?” Clarke chuckled a little, finding the brown haired woman quite weird. She may be intimidating, but this was Clarke’s ground.

“Some of us do,” the woman seemed to smile a little, so Clarke looked into her eyes and was surprised by what she saw. The womans’ eyes where bright green, shining in the light of the ER room. They were beautiful, but expressionless, like the woman didn’t own a soul, and yet the corners of her mouth were curled up a little.

“What is your name?” Clarke asked, more out of curiosity than really needing to know the answer.

The woman seemed to think about the answer, and Clarke furrowed her brows slightly.

“Lexa,” she then said, looking at her, while Clarke sat down on a stool to treat Lexa.

“Alright. I’m Clarke Griffin. Can you please follow the light?” Clarke asked, grabbing her tiny flashlight to check if Lexa had a concussion. Everything seemed perfect.

“Do you have a headache? Nausea?” Clarke was staring at the womans’ nose now, checking to see if it was really broken. It seemed like it was.

“No, I feel good,” Lexa said, sitting still, and straight up on the bed.

“I’m going to feel your noise now, might hurt a little,” Clarke warned, but Lexa didn’t flinch in the slightest.

“Is it truly broken?” Lexa asked, and Clarke nodded.

“Yes, I will fix it for you, that might hurt,” she smiled slightly, trying to cheer up the cold woman sitting on the bed.

“That’s okay,” she said, not moving.

Clarke felt the womans’ nose. It was not big, but long and a perfect size. It was beautiful.

Clarke closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head, annoyed by herself for thinking such crazy thing of a stranger. A patient, even.

Clarke felt where Lexa’s nose was broken and knew she could fix it with her fingers. She placed them on one side of Lexa’s nose, and held the head of Lexa in place by holding her jaw gently.

“Don’t move,” Clarke muttered, focused on the nose. She then pushed hard, hearing something snap in Lexa’s nose.

“Fuck,” the brown haired woman hissed, and Clarke was afraid she even might get angry, but the woman didn’t move.

“Thank you,” she just said, and Clarke shrugged.

“I will get you some ice. If you don’t keep it cold, you’ll look like a troll,” Clarke laughed, but the woman didn’t respond to her joke. It annoyed Clarke a little that the woman had such a stick up her ass, but somehow, Clarke liked her. Maybe it was, because she didn’t show strangers how she was. Clarke could never do that. She was an open book, most of the time.

But this brunette woman looked like she knew what she was and that she was proud of it. Clarke admired that about her.

“I’ll be right back. Will you fill in this form in the meantime?” Clarke asked, taking off her gloves and grabbed a file for Lexa to fill out.

“Of course,” Lexa nodded, still sitting on the bed, while Clarke went to get some ice.

 

She was really beautiful. That’s what Lexa thought when she was looking at doctor Griffin while the blonde woman was looking at Lexa’s nose.

Lexa studied her face; big blue eyes, looking friendly but guarded, her tiny nose that moved while she talked, her tiny birthmark above her lip. Yes, she was definitely stunning, not to mention really cute. She looked cross-eyed at Lexa’s nose, making Lexa smile on the inside. She didn’t know why she was attracted to this woman; she just was.

She knew it was nonsense; she was just a beautiful woman and Lexa could appreciate a woman like that. It’s not like she was interested in the doctor. 

While Lexa filled out her form, she made sure to sit up straight, in case doctor Griffin would come back. 

She did. “Look, I got you some ice!” The doctor smiled, and Lexa found it quite amusing how the blonde handled her patients.

“That would be useful,” Lexa replied as she handed doctor Griffin her form, while she took the ice to place it gently on her nose.

“I will give you something for your nose,” the blonde continued to talk. “Your nose might look ridiculous now, but it will just as beautiful as it was before,” she said, but the doctor seemed to only realise now what her words meant, and Lexa could swear she saw the doctors cheeks flush.

It made Lexa smile a little. It had been a long time since she had contact with a lightmooded person like this Clarke Griffin. It was refreshing.

“I mean, you wouldn’t notice your nose was broken,” Clarke corrected herself and Lexa nodded.

“You did a good job, thank you. I appreciate that,” Lexa smiled. “Can I go now?”

“Well, you can, but you should come back so I can check on your nose. Just to see if it heals well,” Clarke said, avoiding Lexa’s intense gaze.

“Alright,” Lexa replied, standing up from the bed, ending up standing right in front of the blonde doctor. “When are you available?” 

“Uhm, I work about every day from 8AM to 9PM. Just come by when you have time. I might be in surgery, but then one of my colleagues could help you,” 

“Sure. Can I keep the ice?” Lexa asked, not minding she had to come back. She cursed herself for thinking that.

“Yes, of course, you should keep it on your nose as long as possible,” Clarke said, still hadn’t moved from her spot close to Lexa.

Lexa breathed in heavily, hoping the blonde doctor wouldn’t notice. But she knew she was attracted to her. There might only have been a few inches between them, but Lexa did not mind. She just looked into the doctors blue eyes, and wondered what her story was.

“Anyhow,” Clarke started, “Be careful, and don’t get hit anymore,” 

“I will do my very best,” Lexa smiled one last time, inhaling the scent of the doctor. It was kind of flowery sweet with a little smell of, well, doctor. The blonde smiled once again, and walked back from the bed, to lead Lexa outside.

“I would like to thank you for helping me, Doctor Griffin,” Lexa said, sticking out her hand as the blonde returned the favour.

Clarke’s hand felt small but soft and comfortable in Lexa’s own hand.

“Please call me Clarke. And, it’s my job to help, but you’re welcome,” Clarke smiled.

“I will see you soon, then,” Lexa said, nodding. Then, she let go of Clarke’s hand, turned around and walked away. She didn’t see that Clarke stared at her until she had disappeared out of the blonde’s sight.

 

“Wow,” Clarke said, sighing while she stared after the brunette. She was truly stunning, and intriguing. Clarke had always been attracted to beautiful people, but this was a whole different level. She thought that it was because the brunette was so mysterious and so… professional. She wanted to know how the stranger got to where she was and why. 

“ _Doctor Clarke Griffin, OR2. Doctor Griffin OR2!_ ” The intercom sounded through the room and Clarke snapped out of her daze immediately, turning around and ran back inside, knowing she was needed in the OR, to perform surgery on someone whose life was probably in danger.

She shook her head while running, forcing her mind off of the woman she just treated. When she started to scrub in, her mother Abby joined her.

“How is the ER today?” Clarke’s mother asked, tying her dirty blonde hair in a ponytail, getting ready to wash her hands.

“It was fine. There was a female lawyer with a broken nose,” Clarke giggled, her hands covered in soap. She already wore her scrub cap; the cap her father had loved so much when she wore it as a teenager. She had received it as a gift from her mother. He had been so proud of her back then.

“A lawyer?” Abby now washed her hands as well. She huffed in amusement.

“Yeah, a cocky one. She walked in like nothing was wrong, but her nose was bleeding. It was ridiculous,” Clarke giggled again, drying off her thoroughly washed hands. “But she was really nice, actually,” she quickly added, nodding to her mom and walking into the OR.

Abby smiled, shaking her head and following her daughter into surgery.

 

Surgery had been heavy. Clarke huffed when she got home, placing her bag on the floor and throwing her shoes off. She hung up her coat and was happy to be home, because this day had been really hard. The woman in surgery had barely survived, they managed to save her, but surgery had been long. It was now after midnight and Clarke wished nothing more but to fall asleep in her bed.

She walked to the living room and stirred when she heard a noise; she thought Raven went to bed already so this noise wasn’t really soothing.

“What the..?” Clarke whispered to herself as she walked closer to her claimed chair.

It was Raven. Fast asleep. Her legs swung over the arm rest of the chair, her head leaning against the back of the chair, mouth wide open, drooling and snoring.

Clarke burst out in laughter. She had never found her best friend like this before and the sight was just too good.

Raven sat up straight, her eyes wide of shock, scared from Clarke’s laughter.

“Oh my god, woman, you’ll give me a heart attack some day!” Raven yelled as she looked around angrily and confused.

Clarke laughed, walking towards her best friend.

“You’re so weird,” kissing the top of Ravens’ head, Clarke realised she was happy she lived with her best friend. They were never apart.

Raven had her fair share of baggage, but so had Clarke. And they fit together perfectly.

“Thanks, boo,” Raven smiled sleepily. “How was work?” 

“I was in the ER today, and a woman showed up,” Clarke started.

“Oohh, oh my oh my, a woman showed up! How on earth is that possible?” Raven mocked, laughing after Clarke hit her on the shoulder.

“Do you wanna hear it or what?” Clarke asked, dropping herself on the couch, since Raven had hijacked her favourite chair.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s here it,” Raven laughed, waving at her best friend as an apology for being annoying.

And Clarke told her the story. The blonde woman told about the lawyer so enthusiastically, that Raven raised an eyebrow in amusement.

She heard how Clarke ranted about the woman, and how she would come back so Clarke could check on her nose.

“Aren’t you free tomorrow, though?” Raven asked, and she smirked when she saw Clarke’s confused face.

“I am! Oh my god, I am,” Clarke, oblivious as ever, shook her head in disappointment. “Well, then someone else is going to have to help her,” 

“I’m sure she’s going to be fine,” Raven hushed, standing up with a crooked smile. “Well, since you are free, wanna go out?” The brunette stretched, and saw Clarke standing up.

“Yeah, I could use a drink right now,” she laughed. “But I warn you; I’m tired, so we won’t go long!” 

 

“LINC! MAH BOY!” Raven drunkenly yelled as she wrapped her arms around the bartenders neck. Lincoln, the bartender of ‘their’ bar, was always working when they dropped by. He was just as friendly as he looked mad. He didn’t speak much, but he was kind and always made sure that they got home safely. 

“Easy now, Raven,” Lincoln laughed as he unwrapped the woman arms. “Just go dance it off,” he pushed her towards Clarke, who was enthusiastically dancing in the middle of the crowd.

“RAE!” Clarke yelled as she pulled her best friend with her. “I’m so happy you’re my best friend!” The blonde slurred as she danced close with Raven.

“I’m so happy too, Clarke, we are the best team,” Raven fought her tears as she drunkenly leaned her head on Clarke’s shoulder as they danced.

“Don’t be sad, Rae, I’m with you,” Clarke patted her back and swayed her over the floor. Both really drunk, they didn’t notice a brown haired boy watching them, and walking towards the women.

“Hey, girls,” he smiled, and Clarke smiled back, pushing Raven a bit away from her.

“Hi,” Clarke offered her hand as she yelled her name. “I’m Clarke!” 

“Finn,” the boy said, and Clarke wiggled her eyebrows towards Raven, but Raven shrugged her shoulders, letting her best friend know she wasn’t interested in the boy.

Finn was tall, brown middle long hair and a charming smile. He seemed nice.

“Wanna dance?” He asked Clarke, holding her hand in his. Clarke smiled drunkenly, approving to dance with this boy. Yet, she couldn’t help but see a flash of the womans’ face in the ER.

She shook her head, removing that image from her memory and decided to go loose. She started dancing with Finn, he had some good moves. He smiled seductively when he spinned her around, pressing her back against his front. Raven had found someone in the crowd as well.

Clarke’s head spun, but she didn’t mind. She felt free in that moment, laughing loudly for something weird Raven did.

She enjoyed dancing with Finn, it had been a while since she’d had some attention from a man.

Finn danced around Clarke, showing his good and weird moves, making Clarke laugh. He grabbed her hand and spinned her around a few times, making her dizzy. She fell against Raven, but the Latina caught her.

“Oh my god, are you alright?” Finn yelled through the loud music as he quickly grabbed Clarke by the waist.

She just smiled and nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. He smiled, bending a little closer, bringing their lips together.

It was nice, kissing someone. Clarke had missed it. But there was nothing. No spark, nothing special, it was just another boy kissing her.

She kissed him back, though. 

 

The rest of the night was a blur. Clarke vaguely remembered that Finn and some other boy had brought her and Raven back home. Finn had kissed Clarke some more, also drunk himself. They had moved to her bedroom, clearly having the intention of doing something more, but Clarke wasn’t in the mood.

She had removed him from their apartment, but did manage to get his number.

Then, she had gone to her bed, fallen asleep within seconds.

And now, regretting how much she had been drinking, she woke up with a bad headache.

“Raven?” She asked confused, not sure where she was, but when she sat up a little, she recognised her own room.

She fell back into bed, blowing some dirty hair out of her face.

“Ugh, what a night,” she sighed. She thought back of the moment that Finn had kissed her. It hadn’t been special, no, but Clarke maybe hoped there could be something more. She secretly just craved someone to be with. She had been alone for a long time.

The blonde grabbed her phone and groaned when she saw it was already in the afternoon.

She knew she was free today, but somehow she just wanted to be at the hospital. She ignored the thought that it was just to see the stranger woman again.

She scoffed, annoyed that she thought about that again, telling herself it was only because the woman had been so mysterious.

She slowly got up out of bed to take a shower. Raven was probably still knock out, and Clarke laughed when she thought back of the night before. It had been a good night.

Just when she was about to step into the shower, Clarke was called by her mother.

“ _Hey sweetie, what are you doing today?_ ” Abby’s voice sounded tired, but sweet.

“Hey mom, well actually,” Clarke coughed in embarrassment for a moment before she continued. “I went out with Raven. I just woke up,” the blonde girl confessed to her mother.

Clarke heard her mother chuckle on the other end of the line.

“ _Let me guess, you’re having trouble with handling the hangover at your age?_ ” Abby joked, but Clarke huffed. 

“You have no idea, mom,” she laughed. “How are you? How’s work? Why are you calling?”

“ _Yes, everything is good at work. We are a little short staffed today, though, so if you want an extra shift_ ,” Abby started, but Clarke already intervened. “I’ll be there in a few hours.”

“ _You sure, sweetie? You already work hard_ , _plus I don’t know if it’s smart to work with a hangover._ ” Abby sounded a little worried, making Clarke roll her eyes.

“Then why ask?” She bounced back and Abby chuckled a little.

“ _We need you, Clarke,_ ” 

“Of course you do, I’m indispensable. I’ll see you in a few hours. Love you,” Clarke ended the call and quickly stepped underneath the shower.

After her shower, she took a few painkillers for the headache, and drank a few glasses of water.

She made herself some breakfast from the kitchen, put on her make-up and left Raven a note that she would be working.

Sighing, Clarke took a cab to the New York Presbyterian Hospital, mentally preparing herself for another long shift. She just really could use the money, she told herself. 

She also told herself it had nothing to do with the beautiful stranger.


	2. the date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this chapter! I did my best, once again.
> 
> Enjoy, my friends :)

When Clarke arrived at the hospital, she already knew it was going to be a tough day; many people, much trouble even reaching the hospital with this traffic.

She didn’t mind, though. She loved her job.

“Bell! You’re back!” Clarke yelled when she saw one of her favourite co-workers. Bellamy Blake, a few years older, was someone Clarke had gone to medical school with. They had been good friends, and Clarke always knew how to talk to him. 

“Griffin! So good to see you!” The dark haired man in his white doctors coat made his way to the blonde woman.

“How was Canada?” Clarke asked. Bellamy had just come back from his vacation.

“Beautiful! We’ll talk later, though. It’s quite busy and they require your help in surgery,” Bellamy replied with a smile, clearly happy to see his friend again.

“Oh, alright, I’ll go then,” Clarke smiled, and made her way to the surgical floor. She quickly looked at the white board, with the surgeries planned out on it.

“They need you in OR3,” a nurse smiled, and Clarke quickly walked towards the OR, making herself ready to scrub in. She tied her hair in a tight knot; placing her scrub cap over it. Washing her hands, she looked through the glass into the OR. She saw her mother working on someone. She honestly didn’t have any idea what she would walk into, but she didn’t mind. Her mother would know how to tell her.

Finishing washing her hands, she placed a cap over her mouth and made her way into the OR.

“Clarke,” her mother quickly nodded. “33 year old male; fell off his balcony, he’s about to bleed out,” Abby quickly stated and Clarke almost ran to the table.

She knew what to do. She and her mother were a great team and had saved many people together.

She always fought as hard as she could for a patients’ life. So she did now, too.

The surgery took a few hours, but when they were finished, both Abby and Clarke had a big smile on their faces. 

“He’s gonna make it,” Abby said, smiling and high-fived her daughter. 

Clarke just laughed, happy that it ended well. This feeling always gave her a boost, making her feel good and happy.

They scrubbed out, removing their gloves and mouth caps. Abby made her way to the ER, where the interns needed her. Clarke was more relaxed and took her time.

Still wearing her cap, Clarke washed her hands, sighing deeply. She really needed to pee.

She made her way over to the toilet, when a nurse stopped her.

“There’s someone in the ER to see you,” she said.

“Who?” Clarke raised an eyebrow, curious.

“A woman. Don’t know her name,”

Clarke secretly hoped for the stranger from yesterday, but that was too good to be true. Nobody ever came back for a healing broken nose, especially not asking specifically for a surgeon, when you could get treated by a nurse.

* * *

Lexa sighed, staring out of the window of her office. She was tired. Tired of working all the time, tired of her parents pushing her to become more, but how could she become more? She was the managing partner at Woods & Blake. She was the best lawyer this city had ever seen. She lead her company with passion, working more than 80 hours a week.

She was making tons of money, and still, her parents wanted her to do more.

“Fuck them,” she mumbled to herself as she stared outside.

She worked on the 32nd floor of a building in the middle of Manhattan. She did enjoy the company of her co managing partner, Octavia Blake. They were alike; working hard, dedicating everything to this job, not accepting laziness at the company. They worked together very well, and were on their way to be the best law firm in New York City. 

She knew her parents were going to visit today, but she did not want them to. First, she hated them and second, her head was killing her. Probably because of her broken nose. 

Then, she had a hunch. She grabbed her phone and ringed her secretary. 

“Yes, Lexa?” Indra’s voice sounded.

“Please cancel on my parents, I have an appointment that cannot wait,” Lexa smirked, and looked at her secretary outside of her office. She could see her, because the whole office had walls of glass.

Indra smirked back. “You got it,” she nodded and hung up the phone.

In relief, Lexa turned her chair around and stared back outside. She loved this view.

Her work could be tough and she liked it, but it was also hard. But she absolutely loved the view. Sometimes, she would go to the roof to get her mind off of things. She needed that almost every day.

There were only a handful of people that knew Lexa as she was; hard-working, but giving the people around her respect. She was kind and helpful.

But most people didn’t see that. Lexa was held back, she wouldn’t show herself to people she did not know. She would be her stoic self, not showing the world how she felt and why she felt it.

She just wanted them to think she was better than that; that she had everything under control.

She knew it was bullshit, but Costia made her that way. 

She shook her head, not wanting to think of Costia, but she couldn’t get the woman out of her mind.

Costia had done nothing wrong. But Lexa’s relationship with her had almost cost her her career, maybe even her life if she would've given up completely.

Costia had been one of the junior partners at Lexa’s firm. They had built a relationship in secret, but things had gone wrong. People found out and they didn’t like it, thinking Costia was making her way up through sex. It wasn’t true. Lexa had loved her, she really had. And Costia had loved Lexa, she was sure of it.

They had broken up, and a week after that, Costia'd had a terrible accident and hadn’t survived this.

It had broken Lexa. She could never be the same. She still felt a sting in her heart when she thought of the woman she had loved so much.

She couldn’t handle that, not anymore.

Lexa sighed, knowing she should get to the hospital. She unknowingly smiled to herself when she thought of the doctor. The blonde woman had made an impression on Lexa that she couldn’t describe. There was just something about her. She hadn’t done anything special, but still, Lexa thought more of her than she would’ve if it had been somebody else.

Lexa refused to think of that. Standing up, grabbing her expensive navy blue trench coat, she walked out of her office.

“Indra, I don’t know when I’ll be back. Please, call me if they need me,” Lexa just said, getting in her stoic mood. Her face neutral, she said her goodbye to Indra and walked towards the elevator.

When she stepped in, she received a message from her mother, but she didn’t bother to open it.

Probably disapproving of cancelling her appointment.

Lexa shrugged, waiting for the elevator to get downstairs.

She walked outside, smiling a little since the sun was shining. It was early in May, and Lexa could really appreciate the beauty of the spring weather.

The Hospital was close by; Lexa decided to walk there.

She ignored the feeling of slight nerve when she got closer.

She scraped her throat when she stood at the entrance. Blinking a few times, she moved towards the doors, and stepped inside.

There were many people in the ER, much of which Lexa thought were interns. They were talking to each other, not noticing Lexa walking in.

She scanned the room, but did not spot the young doctor.

She did see an older woman; dirty blonde hair, very skinny, a very good face for her age. She looked like she was in charge of the interns, so Lexa stepped into her direction.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for Doctor Griffin,” Lexa asked, kindly smiling.

“Yes, that’s me. How can I help you?” The woman smiled back, looking at Lexa with friendly brown eyes. The woman had something familiar in her face, but Lexa could not place it.

“Uhm, I’m sorry, but the Doctor Griffin I’m looking for is a bit younger, blonde hair and blue eyes? She treated me yesterday,” Lexa pointed at her nose.

“Ah, yes, you mean my daughter Clarke. She should be coming in soon, I’ll tell her you’re here to see her,” The older doctor looked at Lexa with questioning eyes.

“I’ll be waiting in the waiting room, thank you,” Lexa replied.

The older doctor nodded, and Lexa moved herself to the waiting room.

Curiously, she looked around. Being in the medical field had always seemed interesting to Lexa, but she could never do it herself. It would be too risky, holding the fate of someone’s life in her hands.

She sat next to an older woman, whom was crying lightly.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” Lexa asked, stretching her back a little straighter.

“My husband,” the woman managed to say, pointing her shaky finger to the hallway. “He’s in surgery. He might not make it,”

“How long have you been together?” She asked curiously, knowing how the woman must feel. The older woman smiled sadly, her kind blue eyes looking shyly into Lexa’s green ones.

“Almost fifty-five years,” she smiled, dropping her arms on the arm rests of the stool.

Lexa smiled sadly. Life was hard, and this was the perfect place to remind her of that.

She felt the pain clearly in her heart as she looked away from the older woman.

“What happened to you, dear?” The woman now asked, distracted from her own situation.

“Oh, I broke my nose,” Lexa quickly recovered, sitting back up straight and neutralising her face.

“No, I mean, with your own partner. I can see it in your eyes,” the woman placed her hand on top of Lexa’s. “You’re easy to read, love,” she smiled.

“I…” Lexa was too stunned to say something. She just swallowed and refused to look the woman in the eyes. “She died,”

“When?”

“About five years ago,” Lexa replied, not really wanting to talk about it, but she just couldn’t decline to answer.

“Oh dear,” the woman sighed. “I hope you find that again, you know, the love?” The woman said.

Just in that moment, Lexa’s eyes lit up a little as she saw the blonde doctor walking towards her.

Lexa looked at the older woman one last time.

“I really hope your husband will be okay,” she said genuinely. The woman just nodded.

“Goodluck to you, dear,” she replied, releasing Lexa’s hand.

“Thank you. For you, too.” Lexa stood up, nodded, and walked towards her doctor.

 

Clarke quickly made her way to the ER. When she arrived, she noticed Lexa immediately. Her heart stopped for one moment, and so did her feet. Lexa was sitting in a chair, her back straight as usual, this time wearing a black turtleneck with an equal black suit pants, with wide pipes. Black heels underneath, Lexa had a coat lying on her lap, and Clarke couldn’t believe how classy the brunette looked.

From a distance, she observed the brunette lawyer talking to an elderly woman, both clearly emotional. It was weird for Clarke to see; when she had seen Lexa the day before, she had been all… well, her face had been arrogant and non-revealing. What she saw now, was nothing like she had seen before.

It made her smile. Then she quickly recovered and continued to walk towards the woman. Clarke saw that Lexa noticed her, and she saw how the lawyer quickly became her old self again; a moody look on her face as she said some last words to the older woman. 

“Hello,” Lexa offered her hand to Clarke, and Clarke took it. Lexa’s hand was warm and comfortable, and she felt her skin tingle underneath the touch.

“What can I do for you?” Clarke laughed nervously, quickly removing her hand from Lexa’s.

“If you actually would have read the form I had to fill in yesterday, you would know this,” Lexa said, immediately regretting the tone she used. She meant to joke about it, but she could see Clarke cringe a little.

“It was a joke, Doctor Griffin,” Lexa smiled, and Clarke smiled back.

Clarke felt her cheeks burn. “Please, just call me Clarke,” she said, not knowing what else to say.

“Okay, Clarke, I’m here so you can check on my nose,”

“Yes, how is it? Does the nose itself hurt?” Clarke’s happy that she doesn’t have to look into those green orbs. She focused on Lexa’s nose and hummed approvingly.

“I see you’ve used your ice?”

“Yes, I have. But, I find it still quite painful,” Lexa said, awkwardly standing across from the doctor. She might’ve felt awkward, but she sure as hell wouldn’t show it.

“Alright, walk with me,” Clarke was already on her way. The lawyer followed her doctor to an empty room, trying to keep up with her own high heels.

Lexa felt quite weird. Her conversation with the older woman had made her feel things she thought she could shut out. And being with Clarke, also made her feel weird things and she had no idea why. Probably because the blonde doctor was stunning, to say the least. Her eyes were bright, her smile wide and genuine. Perfect height, with wide hips and a good bosom. Absolutely not fat, but not skinny either. She was just curvy, with roundings that Lexa adored. The brunette just felt weird and had no idea what to do with it. It confused her to no end.

“Wait, what?” Lexa whispered to herself in confusion, and Clarke quirked a brow.

“What is it?” The blonde asked, pointing to the bed so Lexa could sit on it.

“Nothing, I was reminded of something at work,” Lexa said, sitting down on the bed so Clarke could look at her nose.

The blonde sat across from her on a stool, gently touching Lexa’s jaw with her thumb and index finger. Clarke felt how smooth Lexa’s skin was. She tried only to study the brunettes nose, and not her entire perfectly shaped face. It was hard.

Clarke’s thoughts were messy. She found the brunette quite attractive and couldn’t help but feel shy.

She tried to ignore it. 

She studied Lexa’s nose again, this time focusing on the medical condition of the woman in front of her.

Her eyebrows furrowed, tongue peeking out her mouth, Clarke judged the woman’s nose. It seemed to heal just fine, but Clarke waited for a moment to say so.

Her face was quite close to Lexa’s, maybe four or five inches away. 

Lexa caught Clarke looking at her lips once.  She found it quite amusing how the blonde looked at her, and was pretty sure the blonde was attracted to her.

The lawyer didn’t do anything though. Yes, Clarke was attractive and yes, Clarke could be interesting for Lexa, but she refused to admit that she could be… well, something. And she didn’t just want to sleep with her.

Lexa knew that if she would give in to her own admiration for the doctor, that she could get her.

But she couldn’t do it, she didn’t want to.

She could not give in, she could not _feel_. Feelings weren’t for Lexa.

All she cared about was work and Octavia. Nothing else. Nobody else.

Yet, she found herself staring at Clarke’s lips, wondering how it would be like to kiss them.

She cursed herself for thinking that.

She shouldn’t be here. She couldn’t be here. Lexa felt herself panicking inside, but tried to sit still. She knew she had to leave, and soon.

“Are you alright?” 

Lexa was being awoken from her deep thoughts, and she confusedly looked at Clarke’s blue eyes. They looked back at Lexa’s, worried and kind.

Lexa nodded. “Yes, I am. Are you finished yet?” Lexa quickly asked.

Clarke looked at Lexa and knew there was something wrong. She did not believe that Lexa was fine.

“Does it have something to do with the woman you just talked to?” Clarke gently asked, hoping and praying she didn’t overstep.

Lexa was quiet for a moment and Clarke stopped checking out her nose. She just sat in front of the brunette.

“It does. But I really don’t want to talk about it,” Lexa snarled, and she harshly stood up, almost knocking over Clarke in the process.

She did not realise the consequences of her actions, and quickly recovered again, hating herself for being what she was.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” Lexa said, quickly grabbing Clarke by the arm before the blonde could fall.

She looked into the blue eyes. Clarke didn’t look to happy.

“You know, I’m trying to being kind here. If you don’t want me to be interested, you could just tell me subtly and not knock me over,” Clarke stood up in slight shock, away from Lexa, turning around because it was quite a weird situation and Clarke couldn’t tell why it bothered her this much.

Lexa stood there, not quite sure what to do. She felt guilty for what she did, but she knew she had to leave.

She was about to leave, when Clarke turned around. Lexa looked her in the eyes.

“I am genuinely sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” Lexa said, taking one step in Clarke’s direction.

“It’s alright. Your nose is healing well. You don’t have to come back for it,” Clarke just replied, not making any eye contact.

“Clarke, please,” Lexa almost begged. She hated that the doctor barely responded to her apology.

Clarke looked up at Lexa. It was the second time that she had used Clarke’s name, and it sounded nice when she said it so gently.

“I am sorry. I hope you know I really am,” Lexa took another step forward, standing now really close to Clarke.

She looked a little down on the blonde, but she didn’t care. Her gaze dropped to the blondes lips and Lexa lost herself for a moment.

She did not know why she felt like this. She had met the doctor yesterday, she had barely spoken to her and they hadn’t spend much time together, and yet, Lexa was incredibly attracted to her.

There was this chemistry that neither woman could deny. _There was just something_.

Lexa was about to lean forward, when Clarke turned back around.

“It’s okay. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s none of my business,” Clarke’s husky voice was small and gentle, and Lexa felt confused. Not for what Clarke said, but how Clarke had managed to make Lexa want to do things she wouldn’t be doing if it was anybody else in this world.

“I am sorry. I won’t bother you anymore, Clarke. Goodbye,”

When Clarke turned around, the brunette had already left the room. She let out a big sigh.

What the fuck had just happened? How did a consult with a patient turn so quickly to a personal conversation? How could they have hurt each other in just the second time they met?

And, why did it seem like Lexa was about to kiss her? Did Clarke just imagine things?

Just when she was about to clean up, her head full with thoughts, she received a text. It was from Finn.

Asking if Clarke had time next weekend to go out for dinner.

Clarke sighed, ignoring the strange feeling that Lexa gave her, and smiling when she sent a reply to Finn; telling him she would love to go out for dinner.

 

The rest of the week went by vaguely. Lexa never came back to the hospital. Clarke found herself looking out for the woman every time she was in the ER.

She hated herself for it.

Even Raven noticed something different about Clarke. She asked when they sat together, Saturday afternoon.

“What’s up, Griffin? You look different,” Raven started, having claimed Clarke’s chair.

Clarke sat on the couch, reading a book.

“What do you mean?” Clarke quirked a brow, knowing very well what Raven was referring to, but refusing to admit it had anything to do with a classy lawyer.

“You’re quiet. Boring even,” Raven sighed, swinging her legs over the arm rest. 

“Careful with my chair, Raven. I think I might be nervous for my date with Finn,” Clarke smiled, hoping Raven would fall for the excuse. She did.

“Oh my god yes, what are you going to wear?” Raven almost jumped out of her chair in excitement. 

“I don’t know yet,” Clarke shrugged and laughed at Raven for being weird again.

“What time does he pick you up?”

“Around seven,” Clarke said, realising at the same time she should get ready.

“I’lll pick out your clothes!” Raven yelled, and before Clarke could even answer, the Latina woman had disappeared to Clarke’s room already.

Clarke hoped the date would go okay. She just wished she could forget about those intense green eyes and those full lips.

“Stop it,” Clarke grumbled to herself. She hated that she felt this way about someone she didn’t even know. Lexa was a lawyer; she was stoic and probably just focused on her job. She looked like the type of person that would go out to dinner every night with clients, just to kiss their asses.

Clarke tried to be excited for her date with Finn, and removed herself from the couch. Folding the page in her book to remember where she was, she placed it neatly on the coffee table in the room.

She walked towards the shower and grabbed a clean towel along the way.

Even with how much she tried, it didn’t work. She kept thinking about her patient with the broken nose. It intrigued her too much. She wanted to know more.

But she also wanted to let it go. 

So she tried.

She started thinking about Finn. How tall he was. That he was kind and handsome. That it could be something, maybe.

She finished her shower, wrapped the towel around her torso and started doing her hair and make up.

She heard Raven in her bedroom, making some weird noises, probably too excited for Clarke to be functioning as a normal person.

“I GOT IT!” Raven yelled, storming into the bathroom. Clarke rolled her eyes, but was quite amused.

“Show me,” she just said, removing the towel from her body to put on some matching underwear. She didn’t care that Raven saw everything, they had been friends for so long that they didn’t even pay attention to it.

Raven held up a dress that Clarke had forgotten she even had.

It was black; but beautiful. It had long sleeves, the neck was round, but in the middle was a small but deep v-shape that would reveal Clarke’s cleavage. The dress was tight, and short, but beautiful and classy.

“Hmm,” Clarke made an approving sound. “I like this choice,”

“YES! And wear your black pumps underneath,” Raven bounced around the bathroom. “Oh no, let me do your make up, please,” Raven begged when she saw Clarke’s face.

“Fine,” Clarke sighed, but was happy, because Raven was quite good at applying Clarke’s make up.

“And let me do your hair,” Raven added, and Clarke knew she didn’t have a choice.

“I’ll put some fresh condoms in your handbag, alright? I got ‘em,”

“Sure, Rae, I’m sure I’m gonna need them,” Clarke said sarcastically, but Raven didn’t even hear it.

It took Raven about half an hour to finish Clarke’s look. Her make up was simple but elegant; subtle eyeliner and eyeshadow, but really accentuating Clarke’s blue eyes. Her lips covered in light skin coloured lipstick. Clarke’s hair almost reached her shoulders, Raven had made a few light wavy curls in it. Clarke looked really good, and she knew it.

“Wow,” Clarke said when she looked at herself in the mirror. The dress fit perfectly, and Clarke was happy she still had a little tan from last summer.

“You look smokin’!” Raven hugged Clarke proudly and Clarke just laughed. Raven always managed to make Clarke look pretty.

“Thanks Rae, I love you,” 

“I love you too, hunny bun,” Raven kissed Clarke’s forehead and grabbed her hand, dragging the blonde to the living room.

“It’s almost seven,” Clarke sighed, and she was truly excited about the date.

Just when she had spoken the words, the doorbell rang.

Raven kissed Clarke on the cheek.

“Goodluck, you goddess, I’m so proud of you,” she said and Clarke smiled.

“Thanks Rae, I’ll see you,” Clarke quickly stood to answer the door.

“Wow,” Finn just said when the door was opened. “You look stunning,” he smiled genuinely and Clarke smiled back.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” Clarke scanned Finn. He wore a navy blue turtleneck (why on earth did every attractive person wear a turtleneck?) and a light jeans with white sneakers. Clarke could appreciate that style with men.

His hair was neatly tucked behind his ears, and Clarke found him quite handsome.

“Shall we?” Finn offered his arm and Clarke hooked her own into it.

“You are truly beautiful,” Finn said, and Clarke felt her cheeks burn.

“Thank you,”

“So, I made some reservations at this restaurant. I really hope you like it,” He continued, being gentle when they stood outside, waiting for a cab.

“I’m sure I will,” Clarke smiled at him, when a cab stopped.

It was around seven and it was still light outside. The weather was good and Clarke did not have a jacket with her, but she didn’t care.

They made some small talk along the way and Finn sat close. Clarke liked it.

Clarke dropped her jaw when she saw where they were going to eat.

“Oh my god, Finn, this is too expensive, really, you can’t take me here,” Clarke stuttered when she saw where they were. It was one of the fanciest Italian restaurants in New York.

“Do you like Italian?” He asked, stepping out of the cab, only to quickly run around it to open the door for Clarke.

“Of course I do, but I’m sure there’s another rest-“

“I want to take you here. My brother owns the place, so I kind of get a discount,” Finn laughed when he saw Clarke’s face, while the blonde stepped out of the cab.

“Oh, is there any chance you are Italian?” Clarke asked with big eyes.

“My mother is,” he replied, walking her towards the entrance.

“I really like Italian food,” Clarke said excitedly, smiling at Finn.

“I’m glad you do,” Finn opened the door for Clarke and they stepped in.

Finn talked to the waiter, and Clarke was stunned. The restaurant was truly fancy and beautiful, everything done in Italian style. She was looking around and didn’t notice Finn watching her, waiting for them to walk to their table.

“Clarke,” he suggestively smiled, placing his hand on Clarke’s back to guide her to the right table.

When they sat down, Finn smiled once more. He was truly charming. His brown eyes were friendly, he had a trimmed short beard and his hair was middle-long, just as Clarke liked it on men.

He seemed really nice.

“Would you like some wine?” Finn asked, and Clarke nodded.

“Yes, red please,” Clarke looked around some more and dropped her smile when she noticed someone, sitting several yards away from her, at another table.

Lexa.

Lexa sat with an older man and an older woman that Clarke did not recognise.

She groaned inside. Could she never get rid of that? What was it with that woman?

“You okay?” Finn asked, noticing Clarke’s annoyance.

“Yes, I just don’t know which wine to choose. Which one do you recommend?” Clarke asked, focusing on her date again.

Finn talked some wine talk, but Clarke’s thoughts wondered away.

“Would you like to try this one?” Finn asked and Clarke nodded.

When Finn ordered the wine, Clarke saw that Lexa had seen her.

Clarke vowed to herself she wouldn’t look at Lexa, but her eyes couldn’t keep away.

Lexa seemed to wear a white loose blouse, but from this angle, Clarke couldn’t see anything more. Lexa’s hair was tied in a ponytail, and it looked stunning. But then again, everything looked stunning on the woman.

“Fuck,’ Clarke muttered. She quickly looked up, but Finn hadn’t noticed. He was studying the menu.

“I think I will go for some pasta,” he said.

“Hmm, I don’t know yet, it all looks so good,” Clarke lied, she didn’t look at the menu for one second.

She hated herself for letting this ruin her night. She was here with Finn; he deserved her attention. He had been nothing but kind to her.

“I’m going to go for this one,” Clarke laughed and pointed at a pasta of which she couldn’t pronounce the name.

“That one is really good,” Finn laughed too, and waved at the waiter to take their order.

“So, tell me Clarke, what is it that you do?” He asked curiously after the waiter had left.

“I’m a surgeon. I work at the New York Presbyterian,” she smiled proudly. She really was proud of herself that she worked so hard to get where she was now.

Finns face was approving. “Wow, that’s quite interesting. Why medicine?”

“My parents. Well, my mother actually,” Clarke started, not really wanting to reveal the true reason immediately. “My mom’s a surgeon, too. We work together now, actually. But if you will excuse me, I have to go to the toilet,” Clarke apologised, stood up after Finns nod. She didn’t like to be reminded of her father, it always hurt too much. Just the thought, and Clarke could feel tears welling up.

She quickly made her way to the toilet. She was overwhelmed. It wasn’t Finn. It was Lexa. It was her father.

Clarke leaned on the sink in the bathroom, breathing slowly in and out, trying to calm herself.

This had always been her problem. She couldn’t contain her feelings, it was always just a little too much, thinking of her father. She really missed hem, even now. Clarke sighed, refusing to cry. She washed her hands, letting the cold water flow over them, cooling herself down.

The door of the ladies room, opened, but Clarke didn’t bother to look who it was.

“Are you alright?” A gentle, familiar voice sounded and Clarke sighed with a sad smile.

“I’m fine,” Clarke said, looking up to meet Lexa’s eyes in the mirror.

“You don’t seem like it,” Lexa continued. Her face was neutral, but her eyes seemed to look a little worried. Lexa admired Clarke’s beauty. She was truly stunning and Lexa swallowed, trying to focus on the blonde’s mental state.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Clarke shrugged, but somehow she couldn’t stop the tears. She usually didn't cry in front of strangers, but this time she couldn't help herself.

Clarke let her tears out, but tried not to cry too loudly.

Lexa seemed like she wanted to hug Clarke, comfort her, but she didn’t move.

Clarke was glad she didn’t. The only thing the brunette did, was laying her hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

“I hope you will feel better soon, Clarke,” Lexa said, her voice sweet and genuine.

“Thank you,” Clarke mutters, not wanting to cry in front of this woman, not wanting to feel this vulnerable with someone she didn’t really know.

Clarke slowly turned around, leaning against the sink.

“That man you’re with; did he hurt you?” Lexa asked, taking a step closer.

“No, he didn’t. He’s a good man,” Clarke replied with a small smile. Lexa really seemed worried.

Clarke looked into Lexa’s green eyes and felt her heart skip a beat. She still hadn’t figured out what it was about this woman, what is was that made her feel this way.

She didn’t know why they met here again. 

“Good, then he has nothing to fear for me,” Lexa said, so seriously that Clarke started laughing. It sounded so ridiculous in this situation. She knew Lexa meant it well, but it sounded like she was a warrior, about to kill Finn.

Lexa smiled slightly, realising how her words must have sounded. She didn’t laugh; she was too worried about Clarke.

“Are you sure that you are okay?” Lexa looked into Clarke’s blue eyes. Clarke didn’t speak. They just looked at each other, neither really knowing what to say to each other. The blonde just nodded.

“Yes, thank you for checking up on me,” she smiled, but she could feel some tears welling up.

“Dammit,” she muttered to herself, turning around quickly because she couldn’t look at Lexa.

She heard how Lexa took another step closer.

“Do you need a hug?” The lawyer asked, surprising even herself with the question.

Clarke started crying even harder. She didn’t know anything.

She didn’t know what to do, what to say or what to feel.

She turned around and about crashed into Lexa’s arms. She cried.

And Lexa held her, as tightly as possible. Lexa’s arms strongly wrapped around Clarke’s shoulders, her chin leaning on top of Clarke’s head.

Lexa wore an expensive white blouse, and Clarke was probably wiping her make up on it, but Lexa did not care. She just held the woman in front of her. The closeness of their bodies did something to Lexa, but she refused to think of it.

Seeing Clarke like this, made her emotional herself. 

Clarke cried for a while, and when she pulled back, Lexa’s hands made their way to Clarke’s face. Her fingers wiped away Clarke’s tears gently, and green eyes looked into blue ones.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispered. She was grateful, but really wanted to leave. “I have to go,” she said, quickly removing herself away from the other womans' grip. Lexa did not speak; she watched Clarke how she tried to fix her make up, how she removed herself from the bathroom to go back to Finn.

 

The evening was boring. Finn was slightly boring. He talked a lot and asked too many questions for a first date, and Clarke didn’t really care. Her mind was elsewhere. She saw Lexa glancing at her from a distance, every now and then. Clarke glanced back just as hard.

She just really got tired of herself. Why did she always get attracted to people she couldn’t do anything with? Sighing, she silently ate, listening to what Finn had to say. He was clearly enjoying himself.

“You alright? You seem so quiet,” Finn said, little worry in his eyes.

“I don’t think we are going to work out, I’m sorry,” Clarke blunty said. Finn raised his eyebrows.

“Oh..” He just replied, looking at his plate, making Clarke feel guilty.

“Look, you are great, really. I just don’t think I’m ready to be with anybody; not yet,” Clarke almost whispered, placing her hand on Finns.

“Thank you for being honest, Clarke,” the dark haired man smiled sadly, looking into Clarke’s eyes. “Dinner is on me, though,” 

“No, you can’t,” Clarke stuttered.

“Yes, I invited you for dinner. Least I can do is pay for your dinner tonight,” he winked at Clarke, making Clarke feel at ease. She was glad he responded this way.

“Will you walk me outside?” Clarke asked. She just didn’t want Lexa to see her leave alone.

“Sure,” Finn shrugged. He talked to a waiter, making sure to pay everything and adding a little tip.

Then, he stood up and helped Clarke up.

“You’re pretty great. Glad I at least had the honour to have dinner with you,” Finn stated on the way out. 

“You’re really great, too,” Clarke smiled, hooking her arm through his. When they were outside, Clarke smiled. The sun was setting, it was chilly but not cold. She loved this city.

“You know, honestly, I don’t think we would fit together,” Finn just laughed. He tried to get attention from a cab, but it didn’t work.

“Thank you for tonight, Finn. You don’t have to wait with me, you know,” she just smiled. 

“Alright, are you sure? I can take you home,” 

“I’m fine, thank you,” 

Finn ran his hand through his dark hair. “If you insist. Thanks for tonight. Take care,” he placed a small kiss on Clarke’s cheek, and walked away.

Clarke sighed in relief. He had been a gentleman, just not one for her. He was nice, but that was probably all he could be to Clarke. She looked up at the sky, which was slowly turning orange in the evening sun. She smiled. She had always loved New York, and its beauty that came with it. 

“Enjoyed your evening?” A familiar voice sounded, making Clarke roll her eyes en smile at the same time. She had no clue why. Well, probably because she felt like Lexa was stalking her, but also liked the attention.

“I did, actually,” Clarke said, still looking at the road to grab a cab. Shivering, she hoped she would quickly manage to get a damn cab.

“Fuckers,” she muttered, ready to go home. 

“Are you cold?” Lexa asked, stepping beside Clarke. The brunette looked at Clarke, but the other woman refused to make eye contact. It was just awkward. She had cried in front of Lexa as if she was a weak, hormonal woman. But she wasn’t; she was genuinely happy but Lexa had seen her in her most vulnerable state and Clarke didn’t like it at all. She didn’t want Lexa to feel sorry for her.

“I’m good,” Clarke just replied. She saw in the corner of her eye how Lexa offered her a coat.

Clarke smiled, but shook her head. “I said I’m good,”

“Sorry,” Lexa nodded, taking a step back, clearly getting the message that Clarke didn’t want to talk.

“I shall leave you to it, then,” the brunette said, and walked away, towards Central Park.

Clarke sighed deeply. Why, oh why, did she feel guilty every time she did something like that?

Rolling her eyes, tired of herself, Clarke grumbled something and walked behind Lexa.

She had trouble keeping up, the brunette walked fast and Clarke didn’t wear heels often.

“Wait!” Clarke yelled awkwardly, stumbling over her feet towards Lexa. She probably looked like an idiot, but she assumed Lexa already had her opinion on the blonde. 

She saw the corners of Lexa’s lips curl up a little, and it made her stomach flutter for some reason, but Clarke ignored the feeling.

For the first time this night, she took a good look at the lawyer. Her hair perfectly in a high ponytail, a white loose blouse tucked into a black pencil skirt, with white high heels. Her legs toned, her posture typical Lexa. Her coat hanging over arm.

Her face, with her perfect make up, shining green eyes. Barely visible that her nose was recently broken.

“How’s the nose?” Clarke tried to hide her panting.

“You followed me, just to ask me that?” Lexa replied stoically, but Clarke suspected it was meant as a joke.

“I did,” Clarke lied, smiling as she got her breathing under control.

“My nose feels fine, thank you,” Lexa smiled. 

Standing awkwardly across from each other, Clarke regretted following the brunette. She had no idea what to say.

“I just need to know, but…” Clarke started, “who punched you?”

Lexa let out a chuckle, and Clarke shrugged a little.

“Nobody punched me. I walked against a door,” Lexa smiled, and Clarke let out a snort.

“You didn’t,” Clarke laughed, breaking the ice between them. Lexa laughed with her, and it surprised Clarke. She hadn’t hear the woman laugh before. It sounded cute, but controlled.

“I did, actually,” Lexa kept laughing. 

Their laughter faded, and a long silence fell between them, neither woman knowing what to say.

Scraping her throat, Lexa pointed into Central Parks direction. 

“Would you like to take a walk?” The brunette subtly asked. 

Clarke looked at her in surprise, she had not expected this question. She did like to walk, but she wore high heels. She kind of enjoyed the lawyers company, but felt also really awkward. She couldn’t say no, but was scared to say yes.

So, Clarke decided to just nod.

“Still don’t want the coat?” Lexa placed the coat in her hand, and offered it once more to Clarke.

Clarke considered her offer for a moment. She was a little cold, so she just smiled and took the coat.

It was weird when she put it on; it smelled sweet; a subtle perfume that Clarke liked, and recognised from the hug Lexa had given in the ladiesroom.

Lexa started walking towards the park, and Clarke just silently followed.

“I probably shouldn’t ask this, but why where you so upset last week? When I treated you the second time?” Clarke asked, and regretted the questions immediately. Lexa had been very clear then, that she didn’t want to talk about it.

Lexa looked up, while walking, as if she was thinking thoroughly about what to say.

“Let’s just say I was reminded of something that happened in the past,” she said, looking forward. They had almost reached the park, and Clarke smiled sadly.

“The older woman?” 

“You are one curious person,” Lexa replied, and Clarke shrugged. 

“I just care, that’s all,” 

Lexa glanced aside for one moment, looking at Clarke. The blonde women was looking at the traffic lights, waiting to cross the street to the park. Her hair was blowing a little in the wind, and Lexa smiled slightly. Seeing the surgeon wearing Lexa's coat made her feel.. weird. 

“I was concerned about the older woman,” Lexa started. “She told me her husband was in surgery, and that she didn’t know if he would make it. It reminded me of a few years ago,”

The light turned green, so both women crossed the road. Walking close to each other, almost shoulder to shoulder, Clarke genuinely hummed. “Do you want to talk about that?”

“No, I’d rather not,” Lexa just replied. “It has nothing to do with you, Clarke, but it just.. hurts,”

“Alright, I won’t ask anymore. But if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here,” Clarke smiled, and nudged Lexa lightly with her shoulder. The contact sent shivers down her spine, and the blonde quickly recovered.

“Thank you. Speaking of, please tell me if I overstep, but why were you so upset in the bathroom?”

Not sure if she wanted to talk about, Clarke shook her head. “Also something that happened in the past,”

“You don’t want to talk about it either?” Lexa asked, guiding Clarke through the park.

The park was quite empty, and Lexa liked that. The sky turned from orange into a darker colour. The wind was gentle and still a little warm, and Lexa couldn’t deny she enjoyed the company of the blonde woman. The park had turned green again, and Lexa was happy that it was spring.

“I do, but I also don’t,” Clarke smiled sadly. “If I talk about it, I will just cry again,”

“That’s okay, you know,” Lexa gently replied, her voice soft in the evening air.

Clarke glanced over at the brunette. She wasn't going to expose herself any more than she had done already, so she decided to move on.

“Why did you want to take a walk with me?” Clarke stopped walking, curious about what the lawyer would say.

“I don’t like to be alone,” Lexa said, secretly avoiding eye contact. She knew that if she would look into Clarke’s eyes, she would probably tell the woman everything, and she didn’t want to expose herself like that.

“Why is that?” Clarke continued, just so intrigued by the woman she _had_ to know more. Not only was Lexa mysterious, she was beautiful and stylish. She made herself look like she was untouchable, but Clarke knew better than that. She was almost sure that something had happened to this woman that made her this way, closing herself off.

“Being alone makes me think too much,” Lexa finally looked into those blue orbs.

They were both silent for a while, feeling something, which probably was the chemistry they both had felt before.

Lexa shortly glanced at Clarke’s lips, but she immediately looked back up into those eyes.

Clarke noticed. They stood across from each other, both not sure what to do. There were a few more people in the park, and Clarke knew nothing would happen, but she just _felt_ something. She was almost sure that Lexa felt it too.

“Yeah, I know that,” Clarke nodded knowingly. “You just drive yourself crazy,”

Lexa just looked at the blonde, her green eyes shining, but Clarke couldn’t tell what Lexa was feeling. They just stood for a while, both deep in thoughts. It wasn't awkward, it was a comfortable silence.

“I think I should go. My feet are killing me,” Clarke grimaced, aware of her pain.

“Of course, I shall get you a cab,” Lexa snapped out of her daze and the women started walking back to the road.

“Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa walked, her hands behind her back.

“For what?”

“For not being angry with me anymore. I haven't been too kind to you,” Lexa referred to the hospital.

“It’s alright, it happens,” Clarke stopped walking at the end of the park, and shortly placed her hand on Lexa’s arm. She retreated it quickly, as if she had been struck by lightning.

“I really am sorry,” Lexa insisted, feeling her arm burn where Clarke had touched her. She made eye contact with the blonde.

“I know. Thank you for tonight, you know, letting me hug you,” Clarke’s cheeks burned, a little ashamed.

“That’s alright, you needed it. You don’t have to feel ashamed of it, you know,” 

“Yeah,” Clarke just nodded, and stuck her hand in the air to grab a cab. “Thank you, again. Maybe we’ll meet again,”

“I hope so,” Lexa’s lips curled up a little and her eyes were genuine.

Clarke just nodded. Meanwhile, a cab had stopped.

“Do you want to share?” Clarke asked, opening the door. Lexa just shook her head.

“No, thank you. I like to walk,”

“Alright. Have a good night, Lexa,” Clarke stepped into the cab, and Lexa made sure the door was closed properly.

When the cab drove away, Lexa kept standing, staring after the cab. After the cab was out of sight, Lexa made her way through the big city to her lonely apartment. 

She already knew she wanted to see Clarke again.

She just hoped it was soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave some tips! Thanks in advance.


	3. the coat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's POV. Take a peek in Lexa's life. Lexa has an eye-opening talk with Octavia, and Clarke visits her at work.

Of course Lexa had forgotten to ask her coat back. Now she had a reason to visit Clarke again. She wanted to, but also didn’t want to. She felt like a stalker, but then again, Clarke had her expensive, favourite coat, and the blonde had probably no clue where she could get to Lexa. But she didn’t want to come across as pushy, or annoying.

So, Lexa decided to visit the blonde at work, but wanted to wait a few days. She kept delaying it, working on her own nerves at the office.

She had been really confused the past week, and it was all because of the doctor. And she had no idea how to deal with it. Thankfully, she had a lot of work to do, which kept her mind off of everything.

Things at the office got rough; one of Lexa’s employees had been embezzling money from the office for years and nobody had noticed, until now. It had been Quint, one of Lexa’s most trusted junior partners. Lexa felt betrayed; but she knew he had to leave, so she had fired him. But now, there was a lawsuit; not against Quint but against the entire lawfirm. Lexa had heard it just this morning.  They had tried to keep the embezzlement quiet, but someone had leaked it to the press.

Octavia was mostly on the case, but Lexa couldn’t help but feel worried about it. They had lost several clients, making them lose millions.

Just when Lexa was working on the case, Indra stormed into her office.

“Your parents are here,” Indra just said, her eyes wide and a worried look on her face.

Lexa sighed. “They heard,” rolling her eyes, she got up from her chair, striking her skirt neatly. “Please, escort them to conference room 4, I’ll meet them there,” Lexa just said, closing off her computer and mentally preparing herself to go and see her parents.

“Alright. I’ll tell them you’ll be there in five,” Indra nodded.

“Make it ten, please,”

“Of course,” Indra left the office, and Lexa quickly made her way out. She walked to the elevator and went up. To the roof.

When she was up, she sighed deeply, breathing in. She walked closer to the edge, smiling shortly when she could see just the corner of the hospital, where Clarke worked, in the distance.

She breathed in a few times, closing her eyes and let the gentle wind calm her on the inside. She knew that work was going to be tough the next couple of weeks. Lexa and Octavia needed to fix this mess that Quint had made. Lexa was sure of herself that she was going to put Quint in jail; she felt so betrayed.

Enjoying the view for one more moment, Lexa started to turn around. She needed to face her parents at some point. They were too involved in her career, and she didn’t like it at all.

On her way back, she prepared herself to defend the firm. She knew her parents were going to question her, and she also knew it was time for her to end this constant interference with her career.

Thankfully, Lexa was a good lawyer and knew how to tackle these kind of people. She had tolerated this behaviour for far too long.

This was _her_ firm, not her parents firm. She built it from the ground up, with some help yes, but not from her parents. 

She made her way to the conference room.

When she entered, she saw her mother sitting at the head of the table, as usual.

Lexa didn’t even bother to sit down, she just walked to the other end of the room, standing at the other head of the table.

“Alexandria,” her mother nodded, and Lexa could tell she wasn’t happy.

“Mother,” Lexa nodded back, her face completely neutral. She refused to show anything to her parents, and she was sure she wasn’t going to tell them anything about the situation.

“Could you tell us what is going on?” Lexa’s father asked. Lexa didn’t entirely hate her father. He was actually a nice man; but her mother was just too much of an influence on the man. He listened to her, and her only, and that is what made Lexa so furious.

“I think you are already aware about what is going on. What other reason could you have to visit me while I’m busy?” Lexa almost snapped, really annoyed.

It had always been this way; her parents _always_ decided what was good and what wasn’t, what Lexa _had_ to do. They pushed her to be the best in school, to choose career and not family. Money and reputation was the most important thing to her parents. And when Lexa’s relationship with Costia had come out, her parents had been furious.

“Alexandria,” Lexa’s mother sounded disapproving. “We are here to help. What exactly is going on?”

“Please, leave,” Lexa said, sternly crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her parents may have intimidated her when she was younger, but she was 35 now. She was a grown woman, she knew what she was doing and she also knew she hated her parents.

“Lexa,” her father said this time, knowing Lexa would respond differently, and Lexa moved her gaze to the man. Her father had grey, short hair. Brown eyes and a trimmed beard. His lips were curled down, not in the mood for Lexa’s arguments. 

Only her parents called her ‘Alexandria’ and she knew, that when her father used ‘Lexa’ he was just trying to make amends, but only to his advantage.

“No, I am done with you minding my business. How dare you disturb me in such a situation? Instead of working on a solution, I have to listen to your whining,”

“You don’t speak to your parents like this!” Lexa’s mother stood up from her chair, her piercing green eyes filling with anger.

“You have always controlled me, but now that time is over. I’m living my own life, making my own career. Please, don’t bother to try and come back,” Lexa said, quickly walking away before her parents could respond.

She fled to her office, knowing her parents couldn’t show up there because Indra sat in her cubicle in front of her office. They were seriously afraid of Indra, and Lexa was too sometimes. But Indra always had Lexa’s back. She had been there from the start; Lexa wouldn’t want to have any other assistant.

“What did you do?” Indra asked when she saw Lexa hurry to her office.

“I did it,” Lexa smiled widely.

“You did wha..” Indra’s eyes got big. “You told them to piss off?”

“Guard my office, please?” Lexa asked, her smile growing. “Oh, and would you call security for me? I don’t ever want them to get back here.”

“Of course, my pleasure,” Indra grinned as she grabbed her phone.

Lexa turned on her heels, happy that she finally had the guts to tell her parents to fuck off.

She had been wanting to do this ever since she was a teenager, but she was always just too scared. And now, she finally did it.

She didn’t know why. Maybe it was because the situation was bad and Lexa was on the edge. Or maybe, it had something to do with a certain blonde, that may have inspired her somehow.

* * *

Lexa decided not to visit the hospital. She barely had time, so she thought she could maybe call.

Thinking about it the whole morning, sitting behind her desk. Well, more like pacing around her desk.

She didn’t know what made her feel this way. It was a combination of stress, nerves, excitement and not wanting to see the blonde.

“Are you alright?” Octavia walked into Lexa’s office.

“No,” Lexa just stated, sighing deeply before finally sitting down.

Octavia dropped herself on the couch that was placed in Lexa’s office.

“Talk to me, Woods,” Octavia stated, and Lexa smiled a little. Octavia was not just her managing partner, she was also her best friend and Lexa couldn’t be happier about that. The last few weeks had been so busy that they barely had time to speak to each other.

“It’s the lawsuit,” Lexa started, but Octavia already scoffed.

“Nonsense, Lexa. I know it’s something else and you are going to tell me now. I’m not an idiot,” Octavia looked at Lexa with her own green eyes, and Lexa admired the woman.  Octavia was always right; and always knew how to look past Lexa’s exterior.

“I met someone,” Lexa muttered, so quietly that Octavia could barely hear it.

“You what?” Octavia’s eyes grew wide, and the woman stood up. 

Lexa just shrugged, not sure how the feel.

She glanced at Octavia; the other woman walked towards her. Her black hair in a ponytail, Octavia looked kind of intimidating.

“Talk to me, Lexa. Especially in times like these I need you to function like a normal person, can’t have you distracted,” the younger woman had a point.

Lexa hesitated for a moment, but then decided to tell her. Everything there was to tell.

Lexa just stated the facts. Nothing had ever happened and yet she felt like this was a huge drama.

Not because of what had happened with Clarke; no, probably how she felt _about_ Clarke.

And that was the whole problem. Clarke made her feel things that she hadn’t felt in years and it terrified her to no end. She liked being around the blonde doctor, but the feelings were too overwhelming.

And all this, with only having seen her a handful of times. But it was just there, there was no way of denying it.

“Wow,” Octavia just said, leaning against Lexa’s desk. “Don’t ignore your feelings, Lexa,”

“I don’t even know what I’m feeling,”

“I think you do, though. But I also think you don’t know _what_ to do with it, because of _Costia_ , right?” The black haired woman smiled sadly. She had been there the whole time, even when Lexa had been broken down after Costia’s death.

Lexa shook her head, closing her eyes. “I don’t know,”

“How about you go and spend some time with this woman? Her name sounds familiar, by the way. She works at Presbyterian?” Octavia quirked a brow, thinking deeply.

“Yes, she does,” Lexa replied. “What do you mean, spend time with her?”

“I think she might work with Bellamy,” Octavia grinned. Bellamy was Octavia’s brother, and he worked as a doctor at the hospital. When Octavia and Bellamy would come together, they would talk, and Octavia vaguely remembered him speaking of this ‘Clarke’. It mad her grin more.

“I think my brother is in love with your girl.”

Lexa just took a sip from her glass of water, but choked in it.

“ _My_ girl? What?” Lexa’s eyes grew big, she felt some nerves in her stomach and stood up, only to lean nervously against the windowsill, letting her guard down.

“Lexa. Please, listen to me. I think Clarke is more to you than someone else would be after meeting them three times. Like I said, spend time with her. Find out what she could be to you.”

“But why?”

“Because I think you need it. I’ve never told you this, but I liked the Lexa with Costia better than the Lexa without her. You were so much happier with her. Maybe Clarke could be your Costia,”

Lexa raised her eyebrows, feeling her heart sting. 

“Nobody could be Costia,” her voice hurtful, quiet but she was a little mad.

“I mean, maybe Clarke could make you feel happy again. Please try?” Octavia almost begged, not intimidated by her best friend.

“Where are you going with this?” Lexa’s eyes narrowed, and she didn’t like this, at all.

“You are not stupid, you know what I mean. Go and see her. She clearly has an impact on you and maybe a good one, too.” Octavia faced Lexa now, walking closer. “It’s just that it has been a long time since I’ve seen you happy.”

“I’m not happy now, so why do you want me to date Clarke so badly?” Lexa’s eyebrows were furrowed. She didn’t like where Octavia was going.

“I don’t want you to date her. I want you the figure out what she could be to you, and hell, maybe date her in a while. I can tell it bothers you. Costia bothers you. But I know you, Lexa, my whole life I’ve known you. I think if you could let Costia truly go, that you could be happy again. Please, think about it?” Octavia’s eyes were kind and sad, and Lexa knew she was right.

She had worked the past five years so hard, she was barely at home. She was just focused on her career. She was stoic, hard and she had placed her feelings somewhere far away, where nobody could reach it, not even herself. Only Octavia could sense them, somehow.

And here she was; a woman she had met a few times, had managed so quickly to place these feelings right back up where they had always been before.

“I’m not saying I don’t like who you are now, Lexa. I love you. You’re my sister. But I think it’s time for you to maybe, take care of yourself now? The firm will be fine, you bet your ass I will protect it until I die, but just… love yourself a bit too, okay?” Octavia was really gentle, but she walked back to the exit door of Lexa’s office.

“Think about it. And if you need me, you know where to find me.”

“Thank you,” Lexa’s voice was small, and the brunette dropped back into her chair. She really knew that Octavia was right, but just betting on Clarke was too much. She had just met her, and there was no guarantee that Clarke was gay, or even into Lexa. She didn’t know how things would work out, and she didn’t even know what she herself was feeling. And all she knew was that she didn’t want to break her own heart anymore.

But if Clarke wouldn’t be gay, maybe Lexa would probably be happy to have her as a friend.

She stood up again, her hands behind her back, she started to stare outside. Why was she such a mess? For years, she had managed to put it away, and now she could barely focus on her job.

She hated herself for feeling this. She could remember the day she vowed to herself she wouldn’t love again. Love was weakness. She learned it the hard way, but Octavia had come in today and tell her to love herself?

Lexa had honestly no idea what it meant. She thought about it for a while, thinking about the words her managing partner had spoken.

“Happy,” Lexa mumbled. Octavia had used the word happy. Lexa almost couldn’t remember how it felt like to be happy. 

Maybe, very maybe, it was indeed time to move on.

“Babysteps.” Lexa mumbled to herself. She turned around, sat down at her desk and dialled the number of the hospital.

“Hello, is Clarke Griffin available?” Lexa asked, her voice high of nerves. Her knees bounced up and down and she felt something in her lower stomach.

“ _Please hold,_ ” a voice sounded, and Lexa heard a stupid song on the other end.

She waited around 4 minutes, when the music stopped.

“ _Hello?_ ” A familiar husky voice sounded, and somehow, it soothed Lexa. Her knees stopped bouncing and a small smile tugged on the corner of her lips.

“Hey,” she softly replied. “It’s me, Lexa.”

“ _Oh, hey! Glad you called, I still have your coat!_ ” Clarke called out and Lexa’s smile grew a little. The blonde had seemed her own age, maybe a little younger, but she sounded like a happy child. 

“Yes, I was calling about that actually. Is it okay for me to pick it up?” Lexa carefully asked, hoping the blonde would let her visit.

“ _Oh no, I thought I’d bring it to you. I might have stalked you on Google and I know you work close to me_ ,” Clarke gently responded, and the fact that the blonde had looked Lexa up made her feel weird. Uncomfortable maybe even. She made a mental note to Google herself later, to check what Clarke may had found about her. She thought about the proposal for a moment.

“Uhm, sure. I’ll be at the office until late, I suppose.”

“ _Good! I’m off at nine tonight, will it be okay if I visit you then?_ ” The blonde sounded hopeful.

“Of course. I’ll let security know you’re coming. You can find me on the 32nd floor, or I could come down for you.” Lexa secretly hoped that Clarke would come up.

“ _I’ll come up, if that’s okay with you. I’m kinda curious how your office looks like,_ ” the blonde laughed, and Lexa felt her stomach turn in a good way. 

Smiling, she replied. “Alright, I’ll see you then. Goodluck with work today, Clarke.”

“Thanks. You too! I’ll see you tonight.”

* * *

“Lexa?” Octavia’s voice sounded. It was around 9:30PM, and Lexa was buried in work. She had secretly been excited that Clarke would stop by. She raised her head at the sound of her best friends voice.

“Yes?”

“Clarke is here for you,” Octavia smiled. She let Clarke in. “Good to see you again, Griffin.” The black haired lawyer smirked, walking back through the door and letting the blonde walking in.

“You too, Octavia,” Clarke smiled a little, walking in towards Lexa.

Lexa smiled back at Clarke, standing up. She saw Octavia making faces behind the glass, and the woman walked away slowly. Lexa shook her head amusedly, and focused on Clarke.

“Would you like something to drink, Clarke?” Lexa asked, motioning towards her couch, so Clarke could sit on it.

“No thanks, I’m good. I didn’t know you were working with Octavia Blake,” Clarke laughed a little. “I work with her brother.” 

Lexa’s cheeks flushed slightly at the mention of Bellamy Blake. Octavia had shortly mentioned he was in love with Clarke.

“Yes, she told me so today. I told her you were coming.” Lexa smiled at the blonde. Clarke looked pretty. She looked tired though; slight circles around her eyes, her hair in a messy bun from working a long day and her eyes tired.

“Are you alright?” Lexa sat down across from Clarke in a chair.

“Yeah, long day.” Clarke smiled sadly. 

“Saved many lives?” Lexa immediately regretted that question. Clarke’s eyes were sad, and she didn’t smile. “Excuse me, did I overstep?”

“No, no, you didn’t,” Clarke quickly said, but Lexa sensed that she was lying.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Lexa could see that Clarke was hurt by her words, but she had no idea why. Maybe she lost many people today. She did have the idea that Clarke was the type to attach herself too much to her patients.

“It’s alright, Lexa.” Clarke smiled, and handed Lexa her coat. “Thank you for letting me borrow it, even though I didn’t ask to take it with me.”

“It’s alright,” Lexa replied. She took in the sight of the blonde in her office; Clarke didn’t really make eye-contact, nor did she look happy to be here. She wore her scrubs and smelled like hospital, but she was still beautiful. Lexa respected the woman and what kind of work she did.

“Thank you for returning my coat. Are you sure that you don’t want anything to drink?”

“I’m sure.” Clarke nodded, staring a bit outside, and Lexa was slightly worried about her.

“Clarke, are you feeling alright?” Lexa said, moving slightly, hoping to catch the blonde’s gaze.

Clarke shook her head, and she looked at Lexa. 

Even the brunette could tell the blonde was about to cry.

Lexa was glad it was in the evening; there was almost nobody at the office and Octavia was probably working at her own office.

She looked out of her office to see if anybody was there, and when she noticed there weren’t any people, she stood up and walked to sit next to Clarke.

“I really don’t want to cross any lines, but what is wrong?” Lexa’s voice was small and gentle, and she sat a few inches from Clarke. She let the blonde decide what she would want.

“Do you want to know why I was so upset in the bathroom the other day?” Clarke asked, looking into Lexa’s green eyes. Her eyes bluer than normal, Lexa swallowed at the sight. It touched her to see Clarke like this.

“Only if you want to tell me, and you don’t have to.”

“Finn, the guy I was with, he asked my why I wanted to be a surgeon,” Clarke sighed deeply, fumbling with her hands in her lap.

“My dad died a long time ago. I was a teenager, and he…” Clarke swallowed.

“You really don’t have to tell me.” Lexa just said. She didn’t want to push Clarke to tell her the story.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t know why, but it feels nice to tell you.” The blonde looked Lexa in the eyes again, and Lexa smiled sadly, nodding as a small encouragement to continue.

“We drove to school. He regularly drove us. Raven and me, that is. Raven is my best friend and we live together now. That’s not the point, though.” Clarke rambled.

“He loved spending time with us and we with him. He was my best friend back then, beside Raven. We were singing some weird song, and my father didn’t notice this truck, he..” Clarke’s breath stopped for a moment and she gasped for air.

“He bled to death, and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t know what to do. Raven was stuck, pinned in the back. Her leg is still not 100% functional but she wears a brace. But my dad… he died on the spot and there was just nothing I could do. I promised I would do my best that nobody else would ever have to feel that way, ever.” 

Lexa admired the blonde. She had the strength to tell a stranger this story. She had gone through something so bad, that probably had traumatised the blonde.

Lexa hummed a little, hoping to comfort Clarke a little. The blonde was on the verge of crying.

“And you lost people today?” Lexa put two and two together, she figured the blonde had been triggered by losing a patient.

“Yeah.” Clarke sighed and stood up. “I won’t bother you anymore.”

Lexa quickly stood as well, hoping the blonde wouldn’t leave just yet.

“You don’t bother me, Clarke. Shall I take you home, maybe?” The brunette offered. Clarke just nodded.

“I’ll grab my stuff.” Lexa smiled, hoping Clarke would feel better soon.

The blonde waited for her, and Lexa quickly closed her computer and grabbed her handbag.

“I have to tell Octavia that I’m leaving, one minute please.” Lexa almost ran to her partners office.

“I’m leaving.” She yelled, and waved at her best friend. Octavia just smirked and nodded, sticking her thumbs up.

Lexa rolled her eyes, but sent the other lawyer an air kiss.

She made her way back to Clarke, and guided her to the elevator.

“But tell me,” Clarke started, seeming a little happier than a minute ago. “You’re the managing partner?”

“I am, actually. So is Octavia.” Lexa had always been proud to have reached this early in her career. It was rare; such young people that had their own lawfirm.

“Yes, she told me a little about it. You’re younger than she is?” Clarke’s eyes were curious, and Lexa decided to take Octavia’s advice; she opened up, but just a little. She wanted to spend time with Clarke and she knew she would _have_ to tell something about herself.

“She’s uh,” Lexa thought, and the elevator opened, both women stepping in. “39?”

“Bellamy is 42 I think, so that makes sense, yes. How old are you?”

“I’m 35. And you?”

“32,” Clarke smiled a little and Lexa was happy to see the smile.

A small silence fell. Lexa never really knew what to say and she wasn’t sure she was comfortable with her decision to open up.

“Babysteps,” she whispered to herself, Clarke didn’t hear.

Clarke was standing close to her, and she tried not to stare at the woman.

The blonde just looked at the elevator doors.

Lexa noticed a small scar in Clarke’s eyebrow, and looked at the small birthmark the blonde had above her lip. Her nose was tiny, and Lexa smiled, admiring the blonde’s beauty for a moment.

The elevator ride was silent, and Lexa let Clarke out first.

“Where do you live?” Lexa asked.

“Lower Manhattan,” Clarke smiled, and the two walked out of the building.

“I shall call a cab,” Clarke stuck her arm in the air, but Lexa took it down gently.

“I have a driver,” the brunette guided the blonde to a black SUV. 

“Seriously?” Clarke almost rolled her eyes, but Lexa could see that the blonde was amused.

“Yes.”

Lexa opened the door for the blonde and walked around the car to sit next to her.

The driver, Gustus, asked Clarke for her address and they started driving.

It was silent again; Lexa wasn’t sure what to do with the situation. Clarke had spilled her past to Lexa, but she was just uncomfortable to talk with Gustus’ presence.

The drive wasn’t too long. When they arrived, Lexa stepped out to open the door for Clarke.

The neighbourhood wasn’t bad, but not good either. Clarke’s building was the best looking one in the street, and Lexa wondered what it would be like to live like this. She herself had a penthouse she secretly hated.

“Thank you for taking me home, Lexa,” Clarke was about to step into her building, but Lexa stopped her.

There were so many things she wanted to say and do; but she just couldn’t. She wasn’t ready just yet. She needed the baby steps. Grown up steps frightened her.

“I hate to hear what happened to your father and Raven, Clarke, and you of course. I know the pain will never really go away.” Lexa placed her hand on Clarke’s bare arm.

“You’ve shown true strength today, by telling me. I hope one day I can tell you my story.” Lexa looked into gorgeous blue eyes and she couldn’t describe how she was feeling right now. It was truly mixed feelings.

“I hope so, too, Lexa. You can always tell me.”

Lexa nodded. She wanted to ask, but she was almost too scared. She looked up for a brief moment, collecting courage.

“Is it okay if I note your number? Honestly, I quite enjoy your company.” Lexa said softly, removing her hand from the blonde’s arm, folding her own hands behind her back.

Clarke only smiled. “Of course. I like your company too.”

Lexa didn’t know whether to be proud of herself or be mad at herself. She hated she couldn’t function like a normal person, no, she had to fight her own feelings. Her inner battle made her tired.

She took the blonde’s number, making sure she went inside safely, and stepped back into her car.

“Home, Gustus.” Lexa sighed, and Gustus took her home, her penthouse at the Upper East Side. With a view on Central Park, Lexa’s house was probably one of the most expensive ones.

She used to love it, but ever since Costia had died, she hated it.

“I need to move.” She mumbled as she stepped into the elevator in her own building.

Upstairs, she took a shower. She put on a robe after finishing, and went to her huge, but empty kitchen to grab a glass of red wine.

Standing in her robe, she watched over the city and its sunset. She did love the view, though. She had the glass of wine in her hands, and her feet were cold on her stone floor, but she didn’t care. She had too much on her mind.

It was too much. But it also wasn’t.

Today had been different; Octavia’s talk, and Lexa deciding for a short moment to do different.

It was hard.

She doubted her feelings too much. She didn’t know how to handle Clarke, but she really wanted to listen to Octavia; she wanted to feel better, a real life, and not only a career.

Sighing, she stared down onto the building of New York. Lexa had grown up in New York; she had always loved the city. So much diversity, so many people. Here, you were never truly alone if you were outside.

But here, in her house, she felt alone like she never had before.

She looked down at her phone; staring at Clarke’s number.

 

She didn’t send a text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know!


	4. the decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something... happens.  
> Lexa finally makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so maybe it is more angsty than I first anticipated. Sorry for that! Next chapters may be a little angsty, but I'll be sure to put in some fluff and smut. Remember, it has a happy ending.
> 
> Long chapter ahead, so:  
> Enjoy!

“Raven? Wanna get drunk?” Clarke asked her best friend. They were sitting in the living room and Clarke was a little emotional. Lexa had asked her for her number and Clarke had happily given it, but she never received a call, not even a text. It had been more than a week ago and it made Clarke feel weird.

When she had been visiting the lawyer at her work, it had felt a little personal to Clarke; she had liked it.

Then, she told Lexa about her father, that had also felt nice to do. Somehow, talking to the brunette was easy. She felt at ease with her, and she was attracted to her.

But she just couldn’t figure Lexa out. The woman would barely talk to her, and it made Clarke feel a little.. not important.

But on the other hand, Lexa had been so gentle and worried, that Clarke almost thought that Lexa truly cared for her.

“Of course I wanna get drunk. When do I not what to get drunk?” The Latina woman laughed, and stood up. “Is it because of Lexa?”

Clarke had told her the whole story. It bothered her too much. One must almost think that Clarke felt something for the lawyer.

“Maybe. Just wanna get distracted, you know?” Clarke stood up also, making her way to her bedroom to start getting dressed. 

It took them about half an hour to reach their bar. And of course, Lincoln was working.

“Few shots, Linc,” Clarke yelled in the noisy bar. It was busy; at Saturday night it tend to get over full. Music was loud, people were dancing. Clarke used to go out a lot, and now she felt too old to go out, but they did it anyways. They didn’t look like they were in their early thirties.

The only problem was the hangover that had gotten so much worse ever since their early twenties. But it had never stopped them from drinking.

Lincoln standing behind the bar, made their drinks ready. He was big; he wore a black shirt, and his muscled arms worked their way around the bar.

“There you go. Rough day?” He asked. He usually knew that when they came to get shots, they needed their mind off of something.

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, taking their drinks. “OHMYGOD, RAE!” Clarke yelled when they heard the DJ put on a song. It was The Way I Are from Timberland.

“CLASSIC!” Raven yelled back and the two friends downed their drinks, moving slowly to the dancefloor. 

Clarke let herself go; dancing enthusiastically on the song she had loved so much more than a decade ago.

Dancing around Raven, the Latina woman turned around and pressed her back against Clarke’s front, both women moving in sync on the beat.

Laughing, Clarke was happy that she could have this kind of fun with her friend. The people in the bar were all dancing like crazy; it was good to be here. 

Getting some more drinks, Clarke could feel her head buzz. Raven was out dancing with this guy named Wick, and they seemed to have fun.

The DJ really was in a 00’s mood. He played the classics and Clarke felt like she was 21 again. 

Lincoln smiled at her when she got drinks. When she tried to pay, he shook his head. “It’s on me!” He yelled, winking at the half drunk blonde.

She just smiled, grateful for him. He had always been kind to them.

Dancing, she made her way back to the dancefloor. 

“Clarke!” Raven yelled and grabbed a drink, downing it in no time. She took her best friend and got loose on the music.

They danced for hours. Until Clarke received a text in the middle of the night.

**Unknown number -** _How are you? It’s me; Lexa._

“Ohmygod, RAVEN!” Clarke yelled as she pushed herself outside. Why on earth did she receive a text in the middle of the night. Clarke wobbled outside, her best friend following her with a confused look on her face.

“What is it?” Ravens eyes were huge, and the Latina woman stumbled against the blonde. They were both pretty drunk by now.

“Itsss Lexa!!” Clarke held her phone in front of Raven’s face, and the brunette laughed, spinning around drunkenly, almost falling.

“She’ss in love with you, Clarkeyy!!” Raven yelled, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s neck.

“I doubt it, Raee,” Clarke frowned, trying to focus on her phone. “What should I say?”

“Hell, I dunno, maybe that you’re drunk at a bar,” Raven snorted, hanging against her friend.

Clarke tried to put Lexa in her phone as a new contact.

**To Lexaa -** I _’m goood, I’m Clarke, hi!!!_

“Ohmygod Griffin, you are sooo drunk!” Raven chuckled when she saw the text. “You put her in as Lexaaaa and not as… as.. Lee..” Raven stumbled over her words, and just laughed.

Clarke quirked a drunk brow, and fell on her butt, sitting down on the doorstep of the bar.

Raven dropped herself next to her best friend. 

“You’re drunk as well, Raven. But I will take care of you until you die. Oh…” Clarke snickered. “Until _I_ die!” laughing, she fell against her best friend. She felt her phone vibrate in her hands.

**Lexaa -** _Are you drunk?_

“What do I tell her?” Clarke muttered. 

“Well, we _are_ drunk, so just tell her that, Griff.” Raven laughed. 

**To Lexaa -** _Maybeee_

The text was just gone, when Clarke’s phone started ringing.

“Hellooo?” Clarke asked, but she didn’t hear anything. Raven was snickering next to her.

“Your phone is upside down you idiot!” She yelled and Clarke felt her cheeks flush.

She quickly turned her phone. “Hello?”

“ _Is everything okay, Clarke?_ ” Lexa’s gentle voice sounded and Clarke smiled at hearing that.

“We are fineee,” she slurred, and she gave Raven a punch to make her stop laughing.

“ _Are you sure? It’s 5 in the morning._ ”

“How are you still awake? Oh, did you go out toooo?” Clarke figured. Nobody would ever stay up this late.

“ _No, I already woke up. Are you going to be alright, or should I pick you up?_ ” Lexa’s voice sounded worried and Clarke didn’t understand. She always went out and nobody was ever worried about the friends.

“We are fineeee, Lexa. We always go out and get back homeee safely.” Clarke kept slurring, and she giggled when she figured how dumb she must’ve sounded.

“ _Alright. Take care, then._ ” The lawyer sounded confused, like she didn’t really know what to do.

Raven got up a little, and stole Clarke’s phone.

“Are you the hot lawyer? Please, pick us up, I wanna meet you so-“

“RAVEN!” Clarke yelled, dragging her friend down and stealing her phone back.

“Sorry about that.” 

“ _That’s alright._ ” Clarke thought she heard a small chuckle on the other end of the line, and she couldn’t help but smile herself.

She dropped her phone a bit, completely forgotten that Lexa was still on the other end.

“Maybe she could get us. She’s awake and wheeeeere are all the cabs?” Clarke motioned to the empty road in front of them.

“Hmmm, good point. Also, I’m gonna falls asleep,”

“NO, Raven, no sleeping yet. We sleep at home.”

“Will you sleep with me?”

“No, Raven, you’re a grown upp, right? You can sleep alone.” Clarke argued. She had no need of sleeping with her best friend.

“Ohmygod.” She muttered, realising Lexa was probably still waiting. She put her phone back at her ear.

“Sorry. Raven says can you pick us up? We are tired.” Clarke slurred again, and she heard some noises at the other end of the line.

“ _Of course._ ” 

Clarke had given Lexa their location, and noticed how Raven had fallen asleep, her back against the wall of the bar.

Clarke sighed, and snuggled against her best friend, falling asleep within seconds.

 

Lexa was worried. She never liked it when people got drunk; it made them make stupid decisions, they were not aware of their surroundings and what _could_ happen.

She had quickly put on a skinny jeans with a white sweater and her favourite pair of sneakers, that she barely wore.

She grabbed her own car; an expensive Audi. She quickly drove to the bar where Clarke and Raven would be waiting for her. She was kind of glad she had finally decided to text the blonde; but she also wasn’t sure if she _wanted_ to know what the blonde was up to.

When she arrived, she quickly parked her car and almost ran out.

When she was about to enter the bar, she saw two woman half laying on the ground, sleeping, snuggled against each other.

A relieved sigh escaped Lexa’s mouth, and she kneeled down to nudge both of them in the shoulder.

Clarke was the first to wake. When her eyes locked with Lexa’s, a big smile appeared on her face, making Lexa melt a little on the inside. 

“Hey,” the blonde woman said gently, and Lexa nodded.

“How are you feeling?” Lexa almost whispered, somehow not wanting to wake the Latina woman yet. She just wanted to know if Clarke was alright.

“Little fuzzy, but happy to see you.” As soon as Clarke had spoken those words, Lexa could swear she saw the blonde’s cheeks flush a little. The blonde continued. “You look pretty in those clothes.” mumbling, the blonde reached out for Lexa, and the lawyer took Clarke’s hands in her own.

“No, hug?” Clarke meant something else, and leaned a bit in to hug Lexa.

It was slightly uncomfortable, since Lexa almost fell over when the blonde leaned into her, but she managed to make it work. Clarke smelled like alcohol and sweat, but Lexa could sense something of her perfume as well, and smiled slightly. She was just glad that Clarke was okay.

“Let me take you home,” Lexa just said, standing up to lift Clarke up. The blonde leaned heavily on her, but Lexa was physically quite strong.

She nudged Raven again, and the Latina woman woke up. 

“Oh, hey, oh, wow, you really are hot.” She mumbled, looking up at Lexa, and snorted when she saw Clarke hanging against the woman.

“Thanks.” Lexa just smiled slightly, and despite the fact that Clarke had her arms wrapped around the lawyers neck, she managed to help Raven up.

She struggled to get both women into the car, both half asleep. When Lexa had finally managed to get them in the car; she drove them home. She was glad she knew Clarke’s neighbourhood, and remembered how the blonde had told her that she and Raven lived together.

Clarke and Raven were fast asleep in the back of the car, and when Lexa looked in the rear view mirror, she stared at Clarke for a moment.

The past week had been hard for her; she tried to decide what to do with the blonde. She had talked to Octavia a few more times and she knew she _wanted_ to move on, but not quite sure _how_ to do it, stuck in her habits and fears.

So, after several days of consideration, she had decided to text Clarke. She was happy to see her again, but she was worried. They were really wasted, had been drinking way too much.

Clarke was in her early thirties and Lexa suspected Raven was about the same age, but she couldn’t figure out why they would drink like this, like they were in college.

Once at their home, Lexa first decided to bring Raven home. She found a set of keys in Clarke’s pocket, and woke the Latina woman to ask which floor they lived on. Raven sleepily guided Lexa there, and when they were inside, Raven disappeared into her bedroom.

Lexa sighed, and went back downstairs to get Clarke. The sun was rising, and Lexa felt weird being here.

She saw Clarke sleeping in her car and it made her feel things. The blonde seemed perfectly content with the backseat, her face relaxed and her lips curled in a small smile while she slept.

Lexa almost didn’t want to wake her.

“Clarke,” she gently nudged the blonde’s arm. And Clarke’s eyes opened slightly, a smile appearing again when she saw Lexa.

“Hey,” Clarke’s voice was low and small. “Where are we?”

“I brought you home. Let’s go up.” Lexa just smiled, and Clarke slowly climbed out of the car. She wrapped her arm around Lexa’s neck for support.

“Everything is spinning.” Clarke giggled, and Lexa opened the door to the building.

“Why did you get this drunk?” She asked, moving Clarke to the elevator.

“I wanted to…get my mind off everything and Raven knows how to party.” The blonde chuckled, and Lexa shook her head.

“Your mind off of what?”

“Well.. You?” Clarke glanced aside to the brunette and Lexa smiled sadly.

“Why me?”

“You didn’t text me for a week. I thought I was just something fun to you, you don’t care, do you?” Clarke started slurring again, and Lexa felt her heart sting. 

“I do care, Clarke.” Lexa felt how her voice slightly shivered. She had never had the intention of making Clarke feel this way.

They made their way to Clarke’s front door, and Lexa clumsily opened it. Clarke walked into the direction of her room, and Lexa hesitated for a moment.

It felt too personal. 

“Could you help me? My vision is kinda blurry.” Clarke just said, already trying to remove her shoes as she stumbled into her bedroom.

Lexa was quick; before Clarke could even fall, Lexa had caught her.

Holding Clarke in her arms, Lexa felt bad about everything she was. She just kept hurting Clarke, somehow. And they had only known each other for a short time.

How would things go if Clarke stayed in her life? She would probably just hurt her more than this.

“Thank you, Lexa.” Clarke turned around in Lexa’s arms, drunkenly leaning against her.

She sighed contently, inhaling Lexa’s scent.

“Clarke, you should sleep.” Lexa said, her heart beating fast with Clarke’s close proximity. She knew she should leave, but she couldn’t leave Clarke alone, not yet.

“You smell good.” Clarke mumbled, nudging her face in Lexa’s neck, and the brunette felt a shiver go down her spine. This wasn’t good, not at all. Her body reacted too much to this, way more than Lexa would allow it to. But she couldn’t help its reaction.

“Clarke, let’s get you to bed.”

“Please hold me.” Clarke whispered, her arms clumsily snaking around the lawyers waist.

Lexa sighed, looking up at the ceiling, as if there was an answer there waiting for her. But she didn’t quite know the question.

So, she wrapped her arms around Clarke. Leaning her chin on Clarke’s shoulder, their cheeks almost touching.

It was overwhelming. Even though Clarke was drunk, Lexa did enjoy it.

But it was too much for her. She removed her arms from around the blonde and pulled back a little.

Clarke’s hands leaned on Lexa’s hips.

Green eyes looked into blue. 

Blue eyes glanced down, at Lexa’s lips. 

“Can I kiss you?” Clarke bluntly asked, and she smirked slightly at Lexa.

Lexa’s heart skipped a beat, and Lexa coughed for a moment. She hadn’t been kissed in years and she was sure that she wouldn’t want it; not now. Not with Clarke. Not when she wasn’t even close to ready, to be with anyone yet.

“Clarke, let’s not do things you will regret when you wake up later.” Lexa warningly said, and she took a step back.

She wanted to; she really wanted to know how those lips would feel on her own, but she couldn’t.

Her heart said yes, but her head screamed no.

“Who says I will regret it later? Maybe I’ve been wanting to do that since the moment we met,” Clarke slurred, and she tripped over her own feet, landing with a soft thud on her bed.

“Careful, Clarke.” Lexa ignored what the blonde had just said. It did too much with her feelings.

So, she made sure to tuck in Clarke.

After she did so, she went looking for some aspirin and a glass of water.

She placed it on Clarke’s nightstand with a short note.

She watched Clarke sleep for a moment, and smiled sadly. She hoped that she would be able to do something more soon. Because Clarke wouldn’t wait for her, and she knew it.

She also knew, that if she wanted Clarke, she would have to tell her everything, so the blonde could understand her behaviour, why she was the way she was.

So they could maybe, build something together.

But the time wasn’t there yet, Lexa just couldn’t do it. She needed more strength, more courage to do so. But she knew that she wanted to.

Smiling, she placed a soft kiss on the blonde’s forehead, her hand gently cupping Clarke’s soft cheek.

“One day.” The brunette mumbled, standing up and moved away from the bedroom.

She removed herself from the doctors house and stepped into her car.

When she sat behind the wheel, she did something she hadn’t done in years. She cried.

 

Clarke smiled when she heard Lexa close her bedroom door. She had felt how the brunette had placed a kiss on her forehead, how gentle she had been with Clarke.

It was in that moment that Clarke realised that she knew she meant _something_ to the brunette.

* * *

“Ugh.” Raven’s groan sounded through the whole house, waking Clarke up. She was happy she was free today. She stretched her body, yawned and shot up when she suddenly remembered the night before.

Lexa.

Lexa had been here. Lexa had brought them home. Clarke had asked Lexa is she could kiss her. 

“Oh my god, I am so stupid.” Clarke muttered, falling back into the bed, placing a pillow over her face in the hope her shame would fade. It didn’t.

“I barely know the woman!” She spoke to herself, but then she remembered how Lexa had left. 

Smiling, she removed the pillow from her face and blew some hair away.

She felt happy, even though it had been incredibly weird. Lexa did _care_ about Clarke, even if it was a little.

Clarke grabbed her phone, groaning some more when she noticed her headache.

“Shouldn’t get drunk like this at my age.” She grumbled. 

She had received one text.

**Lexa -** _I hope you feel okay. I left you an aspirin and some water. You should drink it_.

Clarke just smiled. It was so typically Lexa, so formal, never using emoji’s.

**To Lexa -** _I’m okay. My head is killing me though. Thank you for yesterday :)_

Throwing her phone back on her nightstand, she noticed a little note from Lexa. It was neatly written. 

‘ _Drink this._ ’ Was the only thing it said. Clarke snorted for a moment. The note was so… Lexa. It wasn’t actually necessary to put the note there, but yet, the lawyer had done it.

Then, the doorbell rang.

“What?!” Nobody ever showed up at their place, so Clarke grumbled in frustration.

She quickly put on some clothes, ran to the door and opened it.

“Mom!” Clarke called out in surprise.

“Goodmorning, sweetie.” Abby chuckled when she saw her daughters face. “Went out again last night?”

“Hmm, maybe.” Clarke said, letting her mom in. She was glad it was her mother and not anybody else. She probably looked like shit.

“Hey mom,” Clarke kissed her mothers cheek and let the older woman in.

“How was it? Did Lincoln bring you guys home?” Abby laughed, walking into the living room, her daughter following her.

“No, actually Lexa did.”

Abby raised an eyebrow as she dropped herself on the coach.

“The lawyer?” 

Clarke had told her mother everything. Well, almost everything. She had nothing to hide from her mother and Abby knew her daughter was bi-sexual. She had always been more than fine with it.

“Yes, mom, the lawyer. Want some coffee?” Clarke straightened her shirt, and moved herself to the kitchen while Abby spoke.

“What happened? Yes, black please.”

“Well, she finally decided to text me at 5AM. I texted her back and we were drunk, so Lexa picked us up.”

Abby chuckled. “She must really like you, then.”

“I don’t know,” Clarke shrugged, quickly making her mother and herself some coffee. She noticed what time it was; around 3PM.

“I think she likes me, but she’s just so closed off, I don’t know what to do with it.” Clarke walked back, handing her mother a hot cup of coffee.

A few years ago, Clarke wouldn’t have been so open to her mother, but now, she loved talking to her mother about everything. She was glad her mother had opened up again.

“I practically begged her to kiss me and she didn’t. But I could tell she wanted to!” Clarke said, frustration building inside of her.

“Well, honey, maybe she just has a hard time dealing with something. You don’t know what she has been through, and from what you’ve told me; there’s still a story to tell.” Abby took a sip from the coffee and smiled at her daughter.

“Yeah, but.. I don’t know. We’ve only met a few times and I care and she probably cares but… what do I do? Like, I’m into her, I think. She’s mysterious and her green eyes are just so..” Clarke sighed. “...intriguing. She’s just.. I don’t know.” Almost whispering, Clarke fumbled with her shirt.

“Well, how are you feeling about her?” 

“I don’t know. I just want to be around her all the time. Even in the middle of surgery, she pops up in my mind, what is that?” 

Abby just shrugged. “Clarke, just… be patient. Let time tell, okay? Maybe she is interested, but maybe she simply isn’t ready yet. Nothing happened. Just.. try and talk to her; be her friend.”

“Alright.” Sighing, Clarke smiled. “Why are you here, by the way?”

“I need to talk to you about something.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows in curiosity.

“What is it?”

“I got offered a job. In San Francisco. They offered me to take over a children’s hospital; they want to build it from the ground up and they want me in charge.”

Clarke’s eyes got wide. “Wow! Mom, that’s great!” 

“I know, I just.. don’t know if I want to be away from you guys.” Abby’s eyes got sad, and Clarke went to sit next to her mother.

“We will call each other. Maybe I will eventually move there too, you know how much I love that city.” Clarke smiled, her arm around her mothers’ shoulder. 

“Yeah, but New York is your home, Clarke. You belong here.” Abby stated, resting her head on her daughters shoulder.

“We will see. Just… go if you want to, mom. I want you to be happy again.”

“Griffs!” Raven walked in, happy to see her best friends mother. She had always considered Abby her own mother as well.

“Raven.” Abby stood up and gave the Latina woman a kiss on the cheek. “I was just delivering some big news.” 

“Oh?” Raven sat down in Clarke’s chair, earning a glare from the blonde, but she didn’t care.

And Abby told her. Raven clearly supported the woman, and Clarke smiled.

“We will move with you!” Raven called out, but Abby shook her head.

“No decision has been made, Rae. I just wanted to let you guys know I’m thinking about it.” Abby sighed, grabbing her cup of coffee again.

“I just wouldn’t know what to do without you guys.” 

“You wouldn’t be without us, mom.” Clarke smiled. She wanted her mother to be happy; and if her mother would get happy from moving to San Francisco, Clarke would support her decision.

“We shall see.” Abby nodded.

The three women chatted some more for over an hour, and then Abby decided it was time to go. 

“I have some work to do at the hospital.”

“Alright. We support you. Thanks for telling us mom, you can always call me if you need my wisdom.” Clarke chuckled when she let her mother out.

“Sure. Take care, honey. You too, Raven.” Abby smiled proudly, giving the two younger women a kiss on the cheek, and left. 

“Wow, San Francisco.” Raven breathed. “I love that city.”

“Yeah, me too. If I’d ever move out of New York, it would be to SF.” Clarke sighed, lying down on the couch. But somehow, thinking about moving out of New York made her feel.. incomplete. 

She thought about it, but she just couldn’t figure out why.

* * *

Lexa had been in court all morning. It was tiring, really. They were really being killed. They had nothing they could defend themselves on, and Lexa feared the worst.

Another hearing was scheduled three weeks from now, but Lexa could feel it was too late.

“We are going down, Octavia. This is.. not good. Even if we win; our reputation is fucked.” She sighed, walking out of the courthouse. The two women walked together and even Octavia was down.

“We just need to figure out what to do next. I’m sure we’ll be alright, Lexa.” 

They stepped into Lexa’s car, and Gustus drove them back to the firm.

“I don’t think it’s going to be alright, O.” Lexa stared out of the window. They had worked so hard to get where they were, and just one man had ruined it all; Quint. Lexa hated that man with all of her heart.

The lawsuit had cost them millions already, and they kept losing clients.

“It doesn’t look good.” Lexa muttered.

When they arrived at the firm, Lexa didn’t want to work. She needed some time.

“O, I’m going out for lunch, do you mind?”

“Of course, Lexa. I’ll be upstairs. Just take all the time you need.” The black haired woman smiled, knowing Lexa wasn’t feeling to well lately. Thankfully, Lexa had been open about her dilemma with Clarke. Octavia liked the blonde doctor, so she just hoped that things would work out well for the other lawyer. She knew how dedicated the blonde woman was to her friends and family. She had talked to her brother about Clarke, and he had told her stories that made her trust the woman. So, she was just worried about Lexa.

“Take care, Lex.” Octavia nodded, and walked into the building. 

Lexa decided to take a cab, to the Brooklyn Bridge park, where she would have a view over the New York City skyline.

She always loved coming there; it soothed her.

While she was one the way, she grabbed her phone.

She dialled a number but her thumb hung above the ‘call’ button. She felt her heart skip a beat, but she knew she _wanted_ to call this number.

So, she pressed call.

With a shaky hand, she placed the phone against her ear, and heard it ringing.

“ _Lexa?_ ” A gentle voice sounded, and Lexa felt relaxed the second she heard it.

“Clarke, hey.” Lexa smiled, sitting in the back of the cab.

“ _What’s up?_ ” The blonde asked, and Lexa was just very happy she had answered.

“What are you doing now?”

“ _Uhm, not much, why?_ ”

“Would you maybe join me, and… I don’t know. Keep me company?” The brunette wasn’t quite sure what to ask, she just wanted Clarke to join her.

“ _Sure, where are you? Is everything okay?_ ” The blonde sounded somewhat worried, and Lexa felt her heart flutter. It was nice to have a friend that cared. Somebody other than Octavia.

“Yeah, it’s been a long day. I’m on my way to the Brooklyn Bridge park.”

“ _Alright. I’ll be there in half an hour._ ” Clarke said, and Lexa arrived in the mean time.

“Thank you, Clarke.”

“ _You’re welcome. See you soon_.”

 

Clarke found Lexa standing against the fence that protected her from falling into the water of the East River.

The brunette had her hands in her pockets, her hair loose, waving in the gentle wind. She was staring over the city, and Clarke thought she looked stunning.

It was a little awkward for the blonde; the last time they had seen each other, Clarke had been too drunk to function like a normal person. But, she breathed in deeply and found the courage to walk up to the brunette.

“Hey,” Clarke smiled, standing close next to Lexa. The lawyer seemed to have some tears in her eyes, and the blonde was worried in an instant. “Is everything okay?” Pressing her shoulder against Lexa’s, Clarke closed whatever space was left between them.

Lexa leaned a little into her.

“I think my firm is falling.” Lexa looked down, removing her hands from her pockets, fumbling with them on the railing of the fence.

“What do you mean?” Clarke quirked a brow.

And Lexa told her. The whole story. Clarke was shocked to hear how the firm caught the blame, while only one man was guilty.

“They can’t keep blaming the firm.” Clarke was getting mad. “Quint did it, they should take him down, and him only.”

“Yeah, that’s what we’re trying to do, but they keep fighting against us. We keep losing clients; we’ll be bankrupt soon.”

“No, you won’t. I’m sure you and Octavia will figure something out.” Clarke smiled, hoping to cheer the brunette up a little.

For the first time that day, Lexa made eye contact with the blonde.

“Do you want to take a walk?”

“You do like to walk, don’t you?” Clarke teased, and Lexa’s lips curled up a little.

“I do. Brooklyn Bridge?” Lexa motioned her head towards the bridge.

Clarke nodded. She was happy she was free today.

Honestly, she had been really surprised when Lexa had asked her to join her. It had been a week ago since Clarke had been so drunk, and they had barely spoken, but somehow, the brunette had called _her_.

They silently walked towards the bridge, shoulder to shoulder.

“Hey, I think I should apologise for last week, you know, when I was drunk.” Clarke smiled, hoping Lexa would respond with a little more positivity. 

“That’s okay, Clarke. I don’t mind.” Lexa glanced at Clarke shortly. The blonde looked pretty; her hair loose and her blue eyes bright.

“I said some inappropriate things I’m not too proud of, I didn’t really mean them, so I’m sorry.”

Lexa didn’t know how to feel about the apology. She didn’t mean it? She didn’t want to kiss Lexa when she was sober? She felt how her mood dropped even further down.

“It’s okay.”

“Did I say something wrong?” Clarke stopped walking, her hand cupping Lexa’s shoulder.

“No, you didn’t, I’m just really.. tired today, I’m sorry.” Lexa refused to make eye contact, but she saw how Clarke turned to walk further.

“Alright.” The blonde mumbled, and the two women walked on he Bridge.

They were both just too busy with their own thoughts and feelings.

Lexa really wanted to talk to Clarke. When they were still on the Brooklyn Bridge, Lexa stopped for a moment.

“I lost someone close to me, too.” She mumbled, and she awkwardly made eye contact with Clarke.

“We were together.. she died about five years ago. Ever since then I decided not to _feel_.”

Clarke nodded, standing next to her, looking over the city. It made her feel so small.

The sun was shining, and Clarke was happy it didn’t rain.

“But you are feeling?” She stated, knowing Lexa was probably struggling with her feelings right now.

“I don’t know what it is I’m feeling, but yes. I feel things.” Lexa looked at Clarke, and she smiled. The blonde just looked so content with the situation and Lexa knew that she wanted to see that face every day. It calmed her, and it was too beautiful not to look at.

“It doesn’t just change like that, Lexa. You could learn how to love again.” Clarke didn’t remove her gaze from Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa didn’t speak; she decided to walk further. 

It was silent again; Clarke didn’t want to force Lexa to speak. She had just told her secret to the doctor and Clarke was happy she did so. She did feel bad about what had happened to the lawyer, but all she could do right now was being patient. She wanted to help so badly, but she knew Lexa should take initiative.

Lexa basically walked Clarke home. When they arrived at Clarke’s building, Clarke invited Lexa up.

The brunette nodded, and followed the other woman inside.

Clarke sighed in relief when she found out that Raven wasn’t home, and she gently closed the door behind Lexa.

“I like your place.” Lexa stated as she sat down on the couch, removing her jacket.

“It’s crappy.” Clarke snorted.

“It’s not, it's homey.” Lexa sounded serious, and Clarke dropped down next to her.

“Look, about our conversation..” Clarke started, but the lawyer interrupted.

“I _want_ to feel, Clarke. I want to, really. I’m just too scared to.”

“I know. I know how hard that is for you.” Clarke nodded, placing her hand on Lexa’s knee.

“You think my way is harsh, but it’s how I survive.” Lexa turned towards Clarke. Their gazes connecting, Clarke smiled sadly.

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving,” the blonde stated. “Don’t we deserve better than that?” Clarke looked down at her lap, also thinking about her own life. It had been a mess and she hadn’t really loved anyone. Not after her father had died.

She stood up, pacing around the room. Lexa quickly followed, stopping the blonde from walking.

“Maybe we do.” Lexa stood now in front of Clarke, her gaze dropping to the blonde’s lips.

Before Clarke knew it, Lexa had pressed her lips against the blonde’s.

Clarke reciprocated immediately, feelings her stomach flutter at the touch. Lexa’s lips moved on Clarke; the tip of her tongue asking permission to answer.

Clarke opened her mouth slightly, their lips reconnecting while their tongues slowly moved together.

Lexa cupped Clarke’s cheek with one hand, and the blonde pushed herself into Lexa.

Their bodies close, Clarke could feel her body wanting more than just this; longing for something that she thought only the brunette could provide.

Lexa pulled back for a short moment, her forehead resting against Clarke’s, breathing heavily.

“Clarke.” She breathed, and she opened her eyes to meet blue ones. She felt so many things. Her body ached for the blonde’s touch, she needed this. She felt so many things she had no idea what to do with them.

All she knew was _Clarke_.

It was Clarke that kissed Lexa again. This time more heated, wanting. Clarke felt something;  something between her legs, and she needed more. More of this woman.

What Lexa didn’t expect was Clarke to push her against the door. The blonde was more dominant than she seemed and it turned Lexa on to no end.

Clarke kept kissing her, heated and wanting more. Lexa never wanted this moment to end, but her head. Her head kept telling her to leave. Clarke’s gentle lips, her soft tongue and the amazing feeling of their bodies moving together.

That moment ended. 

It was Lexa that pulled back, breathing deeply as she gently pushed Clarke away.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” And the brunette left before Clarke had a chance to say anything.

“What?” She was truly confused, not really knowing what exactly had happened.

Her body still ached for touch, but her mind was elsewhere.

 

Lexa fled home. It was all too much. The feeling was too overwhelming and she hated her body for wanting more; more of Clarke.

She took a cab; going to her penthouse. When she entered, she closed the door behind her, leaning against it. Her eyes closed, and she tried to calm her mind and her racing heartbeat.

She had kissed Clarke. And it had felt good. It had felt too good. Her body aching for more, Lexa seriously noticed some damping wetness between her legs.

She grumbled, hating herself. It was then, that she realised she had left Clarke without saying anything.

It seemed like everything she did, she was hurting Clarke only more.

She called her. She needed to apologise, tell her that it was just too much, Clarke would understand.

But Clarke didn’t answer, so Lexa left her a voicemail.

Calling Octavia, Lexa told her she’d be coming to the office later this afternoon. She needed to get her head cleared first.

She walked to her living room, sat on the couch which was placed so, that she had the view over the city. Her ‘window’ to look outside was actually a complete glass wall and Lexa had always loved that part of her house. The only thing she hated was the memories.

Costia had been here a lot; and there wasn’t one spot in the apartment that Lexa didn’t have a memory of with Costia.

“What is wrong with me?” Lexa breathed, leaning her elbows on her knees as her hands supported her head.

It was so much. She just which she could be like a normal person; fall in love, make out, make love and have friends. But somehow, Lexa couldn’t do it.

Feelings were too painful. She needed to break her habit; she wanted Clarke. She really did.

But she felt selfish because of it.

She kept hurting Clarke; she couldn’t always be there for the woman. She just wasn’t good enough. She would ruin Clarke.

She tried to call the blonde again, but no answer.

She didn’t leave a voicemail this time; one was enough. She wasn’t going to do anything anymore, she was just going to wait until Clarke would come to her. She thought about how free the blonde made her feel, but also captured in her own feelings. Why did she even feel all of this?

That afternoon, Lexa made her final decision.

She was going to leave Clarke alone. She wasn’t going to pursue her; she wasn’t going to do anything anymore. She cared too much about Clarke to let her in her life. 

She knew it would change Clarke, for the worst.


	5. the chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is done. Lexa isn't.  
> Lexa changes her mind once again, but makes a final decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm kind of in shock that Eliza married Bob? Like what? Well, I hope they're gonna be happy together :D just didn't see it coming, and as long as they don't get together on the show xD  
> Lets just stay in our little fantasy of Clexa, right?
> 
> Enjoy!

When Clarke heard Lexa’s voicemail she was somewhat relieved; the brunette had apologised for running, and she had sounded genuine.

Clarke did have an early shift today; she’d be free around noon. She decided to visit the brunette, because she hated calling. She just wasn’t good at it, and she’d rather see someone’s face while talking.

The morning couldn’t go any slower. She had one surgery that wasn’t too exciting, and treated a few patients in the ER, walked her rounds.

She did as much as she could to let the morning pass by quickly.

She had really enjoyed the day before with the brunette. She was actually pretty sure she cared about Lexa. The brunette was a lot; Clarke knew, but she just couldn’t stay away.

The kiss had been amazing, and it made Clarke feel things she hadn’t really felt before, and she sure as hell knew she wanted to feel it again.

If only Lexa would let her in. She was quite nervous for visiting the lawyer; especially because she would be at the office, probably. 

Clarke sighed when she realised she barely knew anything about the brunette. She didn’t even know where she lived, which meant she had to visit her at work. She didn’t like that, but it was better than over the phone.

The only thing she knew was that she was rich, running a firm like that. She knew her phone number and that she lost her partner. But she didn’t know anything else; Clarke craved to know it all.

As soon as her shift was over, she hurried to change; she had brought some proper clothing to visit the brunette at work.

She practically ran to the large building where Lexa worked at.

The security guard recognised her from last time and let her in with a smile.

She felt her heart beating in her chest as she stood in the elevator.

When she finally arrived, she felt her knees getting weak as she stepped on the right floor.

Slowly, the blonde made her way towards Lexa’s office where she saw the brunette. She stood, her hands behind her back, looking outside, her back towards Clarke.

Her hair loose and wavy, she wore a bordeaux red suit; with tight trousers. She wore probably high heels, and Clarke couldn’t help but swallow. She clearly had a weak spot for women in suits.

She walked towards the office and noticed an older, dark woman sitting in the cubicle in front of Lexa’s office.

“Hi, I’m here to see Lexa.” Clarke nervously smiled.

The woman looked at her, clearly not amused and frightening Clarke a bit.

“Name?”

“Clarke Griffin.”

“Don’t see an appointment. Do you know Miss Woods?” The woman barely looked at Clarke.

“I know her, uhm… personally?” Clarke doubted for a moment what she’d say, but it was kind of true. She just hoped the woman would let her in.

“Alright, I’ll walk you in.”

The woman stood, and Clarke followed. 

“Lexa, Clarke Griffin here for you.” The woman had opened the door, and Clarke could clearly see the brunette stiffen.   
The lawyer slowly turned around, a look of shock on her face.

“Please, come in. Thank you, Indra.” She said, her voice small and avoiding eye contact with the blonde.

Indra nodded, and walked away, while Clarke awkwardly walked in.

“Uhm, I’m really sorry to bother you at work, but I’m just not good at phone calls, I hope you don’t mind.”

The lawyers face seemed to soften for a short moment, but it only lasted a few seconds. She quickly put on her stoic expression, and Clarke felt that something was wrong.

“Clarke, sit, please.” Lexa motioned at her couch, and finally made eye contact.

Clarke obeyed quietly, her heart beating in her chest.

Lexa walked around her desk, and leaned against it. She was a few yards away from Clarke, still not really making any eye contact.

“Clarke, I am sorry about what happened yesterday. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Do you mean you running away or the kiss?” The blonde bluntly asked, and green eyes gazed into blue ones.

“Both.” Lexa just said, her voice hard and emotionless and Clarke knew she lost her. 

“Why?”

“I don’t want to kiss people I don’t feel anything for.” Lexa simply stated, her underlip slightly trembling. It didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke, and she knew the brunette was lying.

She was sure that Lexa felt something for her, she wasn’t blind.

She felt hurt, and squeezed her hands into fists out of frustration.

“You know, I try. I try to be here for you, but you won’t let me in. Then you kissed me, clearly making me feel special, and then you run off like an idiot. I’ve had a lot of patience with you, Lexa, and I am done of how you are treating me. I care about you; I love spending time with you.” Clarke stood up out of frustration, and walked up towards the brunette. If she wouldn’t look as beautiful as she did, Clarke would’ve been a lot madder than she was now.

“I know you’ve been through hard times, okay? I’ve been there too. But it’s nonsense if you keep running from your feelings. Your life could’ve been so much better if you had let them in. If you had let _me_ in.” Clarke now stood almost against the lawyer, and Lexa was clearly caught off guard, but she couldn’t find the words. Clarke continued.

“I really hope you will be happy again, Lexa. I really do. I’m sorry that I couldn’t mean anything to you. Goodbye.” The blonde turned on her heels, and fled the office.

She ran to the elevator, trying to stop her tears, but they just streamed down her face.

Why, oh why, did it hurt so much?

 

“What the fuck was that, Lexa?” Indra stormed into the lawyers office. She stopped when she saw how defeated Lexa looked. The brunette looked down, her shoulders hanging and Indra almost didn’t recognise her.

“Lexa, what did you do?”

“I let her go.” The brunette whispered. “I let her go when I didn’t want to. But I just couldn’t…” Lexa’s voice broke, as she quickly turned around, not wanting to face Indra.

“That girl? You love her, don’t you?” Indra softened, and slowly walked up to her boss.

“Love is a big word, Indra, but yes, I’m definitely feeling something for her.”

“Why did you let her go, then?”

“I cannot love her, I’m not capable.” Lexa shrugged, dropping herself into her chair.

“Bullshit, Lexa, and you know it. You do know how to love. I think you just made the biggest mistake of your life, Woods.” Indra turned around and left the office, not wanting to intervene any more with her bosses personal life.  
From her cubicle, she watched Lexa. She knew when Lexa was defeated; and she definitely was now. She sighed, hoping her boss would fix things soon.

 

Lexa felt watched by Indra. She knew the older woman was right, and she really _wanted_ to be around Clarke. She just didn’t want to burden the blonde. She had looked stunning when she had been here, but Lexa knew she was more than just physically attracted to her. She just wanted the best for Clarke, and she wasn’t it. But when she had seen Clarke leave her office like that, it had hurt more than she had wanted to, and she was sure the blonde was hurt too. That made Lexa feel even worse, she had no intention of hurting Clarke.

She knew she fucked everything up with the blonde. She had her chance, and she ruined it. She hurt not only herself, but the blonde as well.

She knew Clarke cared for her; she had seen it in those blue orbs that had looked at her with a soft, gentle gaze from the moment they met. And it had only increased in intensity. 

Lexa sighed. She was so tired of herself. She had to work; but she couldn’t concentrate. It looked like they were going to win the lawsuit, after all. But they had lost too many clients by now, so Lexa knew it was the end of the firm.

But somehow, she didn’t care. Somehow, ever since the blonde had come into her life, she had been wanting a different life; less work and more… _home_.

Lexa looked around the office for a moment, and decided to take a break. She went up the roof.

She ignored everyone that said something to her, she just made her way up.

Glad she got some fresh air, Lexa made her way to her favourite spot.

Looking down at the city, Lexa felt powerful, but yet also really small. In the distance, she saw Clarke’s hospital and smiled sadly.

She felt a tear sting in her eye, and was surprised to notice the need for crying.

So she did. She cried. And she regretted everything she was.

“Why can’t I be just normal?” She sighed, looking up at the blue sky. 

“Because you’re Lexa Woods,” a voice sounded, and Lexa quickly dried her tears before turning around.

“Octavia,” Lexa nodded, sniffling a bit.

“Hey, Indra told me what happened.” The other lawyer walked up to Lexa. She knew her friend was in a bad emotional state.

“Of course she did.” Lexa rolled her eyes, but smiled a little.

“Can I hug you?” Octavia gently asked. They hadn’t hugged in years. Lexa used to hug a lot, but ever since Costia died, she had been physically distant to everybody in her life. The only recent person Lexa had hugged was Clarke, and that had been an exception.

“Sure,” Lexa nodded, taking a few steps closer. Octavia took the other woman in her arms.

It didn’t take long for Lexa to cry. Not just a few tears, but it seemed like everything that had bothered Lexa, just came out at once.

Octavia rubbed her back gently, shushing something as Lexa broke down. She just hoped, that after all of this, that Lexa would be able to start over again. But most of all, she hoped Clarke would give Lexa another chance. 

When Lexa stopped crying after several minutes, she pulled back slightly.

“I made a mistake.” mumbling, Lexa tried to fix her face. Her eyes were puffy, cheeks red and wet of tears, her make up a little smeared.

“Yeah, you did. Are you going to fix it, though?” Octavia mumbled, helping her friend to fix her make up.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if she wants me.” Lexa shrugged hopelessly. “I need time.”

“Lexa, go home. I got this here. You trust me, right?” Octavia just said. She only received a small nod from the green-eyed brunette.

“You know we’re going to have to sell the firm, right? And do you trust me to find the right buyers?” 

Lexa nodded again. “I do, O. Thank you.”

“Take a few days off, okay? Get it together. And then you can come back so we can finish this shit.” Octavia motioned towards the door that gained access to the roof. “This fucking firm has cost me my life.” She mumbled as a joke, making Lexa smile a bit.

“I will. Please, call me if you need me?” Lexa mad sure she would be available.

“I got this. Just go.” Octavia smiled, and Lexa made her way back.

Before she entered the door, she turned around.

“I.. I love you, Octavia. I wouldn’t have come this far without you.” 

Before Octavia could say any more, Lexa had disappeared inside.

“You go girl.” She smirked, turning around to walk inside.

* * *

“She what?” Ravens eyebrows shot up, her voice low of anger. “She played you. Fucking lawyers.” She muttered, clearly not happy seeing the blonde this upset.

Raven had been confused when Clarke had stormed into the house like that. She ran to her bedroom, only to lock herself in, but Raven freed her in no time. She knew Clarke would feel better if she’d just talk.

“It’s okay, Raven.” Clarke swallowed her tears.

“You really like her, don’t you?” Raven smiled sadly. It had been a while since she had seen her best friend like this.

Clarke just nodded and leaned back in the couch, not wanting to get up.

“She just.. don’t know, she’s made an impact on me.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” the Latina woman nodded. She had heard the whole story and she knew how Clarke cared, already this soon. 

“Maybe we should go to San Francisco, just like mom.” The blonde sighed. After this short adventure with the lawyer, she was actually quite ready for something new. Her mother had told her today that she was going to do it; she was going to move to San Francisco. She was leaving in early July, which would be in a few weeks.

“Not really. Like your mother said to you; this is your home. _Our_ home.”

“Mehh, maybe. Alright, fine. We’re staying. Can we just watch a movie?”

“Sure. Which one?”

“Pulp fiction?” Clarke smiled. It was one of their favourite movies, she could never get bored of it.

“English, motherfucker, do you speak it?!” Raven already yelled as she turned on the tv.

“WHAT DOES MARCELLUS WALLACE LOOK LIKE?!” Clarke yelled with her, and together, the two best friends burst out in laughter.

“We are the worst Samual Jackson ever.” Raven snickered, falling against her best friend.

“We sure are.” 

 

The next weeks went by slowly. Clarke already missed her mother; she was preparing for her trip to the west.

“Mom, where do you need this?” Clarke asked, having packed a few boxes. Abby was buried in her old stuff.

“Ah, here.” Abby pointed somewhere near the front door and Clarke grinned, just taking the boxes there.

“Ah.” Clarke’s mother sighed. “Kiddo, look.” 

“What is it?” The blonde woman walked up to her mother.

“Everything okay?” Ravens voice sounded. The Latina appeared from Clarke’s old bedroom.

“I found an old photo album.” Abby smiled. She opened it, moved herself to sit with her back against a wall.

The younger girls joined her each on the other side of Abby.

“It’s with dad.” Clarke whispered, slightly smiling, but feeling her heart ache a little.

“Jake.” Raven nodded. They all got quiet. 

It had been years since they had watched photos of Jake. It had been too painful for them all; seeing how happy they had been. How happy Jake himself had been. 

He had been so fond of Raven, she was also on many pages of the album.

“Shall we take a look?” Abby mumbled. She wanted to, but she didn’t know if she could.

“I want to.” Clarke just whispered.

And so, Abby opened the album. It was an entire album dedicated to Jake Griffin. 

“Oh my god, you look so young there!” Clarke squeaked. It was a picture of young Jake and Abby, probably in the 70’s. 

“1976,” Abby started with a small smile. “We had been together for a year I think. We were 17.”

“Look at his pants!” Raven laughed, and Clarke choked down a chuckle as well.

Young Jake Griffin; tight pants with wide pipes. His hair long and he was almost unrecognisable. 

“How on earth did you find him attractive, mom?” Clarke snickered. It felt good to watch these photos.

“He was the love of my life,” Abby sighed, a content smile on her face. Her fingers traced Jake’s silhouette.

“Ours too, Abby,” Raven giggled. “I mean, I don’t know what I would’ve done without him.”

“Me neither.” Clarke nodded.

She was happy that her father had had a good life. He had always been happy, always the one to cheer everyone else up.

He was too good for this world, and Clarke couldn’t miss him more.

They spent an hour looking at the photos. It made them laugh, but it also made them cry. But it felt good.

It was good to remember this man that had had such an impact on their lives. It felt so good to remember him as he was.

And Clarke, she just smiled. She missed her father, yes, but she thought she had finally made her peace with his absence. 

He was always with her, in her heart.

 

So, the time came that Abby really moved. Raven and Clarke didn’t have time to help her in San Francisco, but they promised to fly over soon.

So Clarke just worked. She barely went home, she just worked and avoided to have a moment to even _think_.

If she was truly honest with herself, she would admit that she missed the lawyer. She really did. Even though the brunette never spoke much, Clarke missed looking at her and wondering what would be going on behind those eyes. She sometimes thought of the one kiss they shared, and it made her want more. She knew it was never going to come, though. So, she spent as much time as possible at the hospital.

Working close with Bellamy, who had taken Abby’s spot, she enjoyed the company of her friend, when he worked with her.

She hadn’t told him the story, but she figured he could sense something was up, and he sometimes asked about it, but Clarke told him nothing was wrong.

Today, it was early July. Abby had just left, and Clarke simply missed her already. She was gone at the hospital and the blonde missed talking to her mother, working together.

Working a 12-hour shift, Clarke was really ready for a break. She was avoiding Bellamy, because today he kept asking her how she was during her breaks, in the hope she would tell him what was going on and Clarke just didn’t want to speak about it. About _her_.

So, she hid in a closet near the ER. 

“Fuck.” She muttered, finding out she didn’t have her food with her, and that she had to get it from the lockerroom.

So, she slipped out, walking to the lockerroom, avoiding people, quickly grabbing her food and walking back to the closet. She didn’t notice a certain brunette following her.

So, when she closed the door, and it opened pretty soon after, she almost got a heart attack.

“What the-“ she couldn’t finish her sentence. Her eyes grew wide when she saw who had entered the closet.

“Lex-“ Again, the blonde couldn’t finish her sentence, as warm soft lips claimed her own.

Taken aback by surprise, it took Clarke a while to respond. She was overwhelmed.

The subtle scent of the lawyer, the feeling of her body pressed against Clarke’s drove her crazy.

She finally managed to respond, kissing the other woman back. Clarkes arms snaked around Lexa’s neck, while there brunettes hands pulled Clarke’s hips closer.

Clarke parted her lips, feeling the softness of Lexa’s tongue entering her own mouth.

The kiss turned heated quickly, and Clarke never wanted it to end. Lexa tasted like mint, and just all softness. Driving her crazy, the blonde started feeling something between her legs. It was insane what the brunette could do to her.

Lexa pulled back slightly, her forehead leaning against the doctors.

“Clarke,” she whispered, her lips trembling as she opened her eyes to look into blue ones.

“I have been a fool.” She continued, not once removing her gaze from Clarke’s, but clearly nervous.

Clarke swallowed. She was distracted. Lexa looked gorgeous, her hair in loose waves, her eye liner sharp, making her green eyes pop. Her lips pink and plumb, just _so_ kissable.

“Yeah, a little.” Clarke just mumbled, and she smiled slightly. “What was that for?”

“I hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“Why are you here, Lexa?” Clarke took a step back. She felt her body craving for more touches, but her mind was elsewhere. Lexa had left her, running away and it had been hurting. Clarke wasn’t just that easy.

“I’m here to apologise.” Lexa breathed in deeply, her eyes dropping to the floor. “And I’m here to ask you for a second chance.”

“Look, Lexa,” Clarke sighed, making eye contact with the brunette. “I want to say yes, I really do, but how do I know for sure you won’t run again?”

Green eyes looked sadly into blue. 

“I don’t know. Clarke, I care about you, I really do. I may overreact sometimes, but my heart has been too broken. I might need a little.. reminder every now and then, but I do know that I want to be around you.” Lexa’s eyes were deadserious, and Clarke knew she meant it.

“What made you change your mind?” Clarke wondered. Lexa kept changing her mind, and she always had the fear that if she said yes, the brunette would change her mind again later.

“Octavia. She knocked some sense into me. A lot is happening at the office and it made me realise there’s more to life than just having a good career.” Sighing, the brunette dropped herself on the floor, as if she was so exhausted like she hadn’t slept in days. Pulling her knees up, she hugged them with her arms, leaning her chin on top of them.

Clarke squatted down, a few inches away from Lexa.

“That life is more than about just surviving?” Clarke smiled a little.

The lawyer nodded. She kept her distance, not knowing what Clarke’s decision was going to be.

“Yes. When I kissed you aback then, I… I just panicked. I ran, because I had no idea what I was feeling and what to do with it, and my heart just..” Shaking her head, Lexa didn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence.

“Told you not to?” 

“Yes, I suppose.” 

“And so you come barging in here, stalking me like a creep and kissing me again?” Clarke quirked a brow in slight amusement, but Lexa didn’t notice and cringed.  “It was a joke, Lexa. Talk to me.”

“I’m not really good with people, not anymore. I just know that I feel s _omething_ when I’m around you, and it just feels… good.” Shrugging, the brunette looked into Clarke’s eyes again, questioning, still waiting for an answer.

“Lexa, I like you, I really do and I understand that you’ve been through some shit,” Clarke started.

“But?” Lexa asked, already losing hope.

“..but I’m afraid you’re going to leave again, and I don’t want to get hurt.” 

Standing up, having heard enough, Lexa nodded. “I won’t bother you anymore.” Lexa’s shoulders hung, she was once again avoiding eye contact and Clarke could tell she was hurting.

“Lexa, I never said I didn’t want to try, you know.” Blocking the door, Clarke reached out for Lexa, h er hands tugging lightly on Lexa’s hips, pulling her closer.

“I said I was afraid. I didn’t say I didn’t want to try. So… do you maybe want to go out for dinner later? We can talk more then.” Clarke’s gaze was hopeful, and Lexa’s lips curled up in a tiny smile.

“Really?” Lexa was careful. She wanted to give Clarke space and time to consider this, just as she had. She had thought about it for weeks, making sure she wouldn’t change her mind again, because she didn’t want to hurt the blonde ever again.

“Really. Babysteps?” Clarke stuck out her pinky finger.

“Pinkyswear? Seriously?” Lexa hummed amusedly.

“I take my pinkyswears very serisously, Lexa. Get used to it.” The blonde grinned while Lexa hooked her pinky through Clarke’s. The two made eye contact.

“Baby steps.” The brunette confirmed, and smiled when Clarke pulled her closer.

Closing the gap between them, Clarke’s heart made a little jump of joy. It felt good, having talked about it. And then, those soft lips on her own again, it drove her crazy. She couldn’t think, all she knew was Lexa.

Their kissed turned heated quickly, and both women gasped for air in between the kisses.

“Wait,” Lexa panted, having Clarke pressed against the door, her own body aching for Clarke’s touch, a small wetness between her legs.

“Baby steps.” She whispered. She didn’t want to push Clarke into something she didn’t want to do.

“Fuck baby steps.” Clarke gasped, and connected their lips once again. Her own hands on Lexa’s hips, slowly roaming over the brunette’s body, while Lexa pressed her own leg between Clarke’s to apply pressure at the doctors center.

“Fuck,” Clarke muttered, her lips swollen, her body craving for more friction. Clarke started nipping at Lexa’s pulsepoint, earning some sexy moans form the brunette, that turned Clarke on to no end.

“Turn.” Clarke demanded, as she quickly switched them from position; now Lexa the one being pressed against the door. 

Though Clarke was a bit shorter than Lexa; she didn’t care. She just needed the touches. The kisses, the caresses.

“Clarke.” Lexa warned again. She was fine with this, but she didn’t want to overstep, or hurry into something they couldn’t get out of.

“What? You don’t want this?” Clarke panted, slightly looking disturbed, her eyes still black with want.

“I do, but isn’t it a little… _poor_ for our first time?” The brunette shrugged. Her body ached for the touch, but she didn’t want it here.

“You’re right.” Clarke sighed deeply, taking a step back with a slight smirk on her face. “This was nice, though.”

“It was. I’ll pick you up tonight?” Lexa smiled, and Clarke just nodded.

“Yes. At eight?”

“I’ll be there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know?


End file.
